Death2lois

"Returning a call" if they take voice, has been very helpful to me

I hope you are feeling much better! I hate any kind of being sick, especially during a busy time of year while trying to keep up with everything.

I'm feeling quite a bit of work burnout. Seems like every company eventually just changes and tweaks job positions to keep saving and cutting back, so that the job you were hired for is just too much to handle anymore. Doing great, here is a pat on the back and more, tougher assignments, good job! I wanna go be a cave troll. Knowing there is no retirement in my future makes it a tough struggle somedays to keep focused, and take my meds, and not daydream of that cave troll life too much.

I dunno if any techniques really work. I've read so many from so many sources. There are things that absolutely work for so.e situations for me but not reliable for many others. I enjoy comedy and humor in every form/area I can find it, sometimes dark or sophomoric, but hey funny is funny (i do have lines, like hurting people etc.). So, I also sought out humorous and humorous reactions to techniques and therapies.

Spite. I'll be damned if some other entity, being or thing is going to make ME think less of myself than I do. I give myself a hard ass time but damnit, I know I'm a good fucking person. No one gets to say worse shit about me than ME. I KNOW I'm a fuck up, I KNOW I suck, I OWN it. I accept it, its a rainbow and we can't all be on the top bow, shit sucks. There is ALWAYS someone better but, that means there is always someone worse. But I know I truly care and try too. I know I make decisions I think are moral and right, and try to correct my mistakes. Even if I do fuck up more shit and show someone else just how stupid I am. At least I'm out here fucking trying. So, Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you (current mind goblin, someone angry at me probably in my imagination, stationary objects giving me a hard time?) for trying to make me think otherwise!! Fuck this shit, I'm staying around to make everyone miserable, if I'm such a piece of shit to deal with (intrusive thoughts on how I must be perceived or doing in life)guess you are just going to have to deal with me being here and being a piece of shit. Or, help me figure this shit out or go. And, fuck you and your fucking attitude, I'm not gonna stoop to your level and I'M going to be nice to my friends and shit even though your a total asshole, since I'm such a FuCkInG WeIrDo (has actually helped me be randomly nicer and more patient w/people/things while stabelizing...my own mind games?)you twat. GTFO! Why the fuck should I want to off myself, all these other cunts I read about in the news don't deserve to more than me? FUCK. THAT.

After time it feels like it has kinda built up, and I am actually my own best friend when I tap into it and feel a little warm fuzzy ...calm?...begin to start to seep in.

My fall back if that really can't do anything for me or there is just no energy for this. I have some people and quite a few critters that still rely on me. Never had kids, did get attached to animals and have a very emotional soft spot them. My parents have no other children and were a little older when i was born. I cannot not, cry and sob thinking of the scenarios that exist, if I do not. Thanks Christmas Story ghost and It's a wonderful Life??

Worst days, this may spiral into a dread of dying and Final Destination type thoughts, I still take these as better and can work from there.

I'm a bundle of fun and surprises! Awareness of where some reactions and issues stem from, medication trials, and good people that let me vent so I can hear myself, have really helped to get me to where my bizarre tools work. I also really try to at least lightly meditate periodically and do some regular yoga. I don't have a very active job and exercise does help with some of the physical problems that can build up and lead to down cycles.

Maybe you've tried something like this, if not maybe? I'd say couldn't hurt but...Careful not to swing to manic if that may be an issue for you, sometimes I can get myself quite riled!

Find even a tiny happiness, like, oh I dunno, making and posting memes? And make it your happy place. Don't try and make it your only tool, or your happy place may wear out. I also found forcing some other stuff like meditation time, exercise, thought exercises, makes the happy place time even better effective.

You make my happy place better and I appreciate you, as I know many do. If you ever need to rant rave or spew weird shit to get it out there are lots of us here who would think it an honor to let you vent. If you ever need help, we are hear to lend whatever assistance we may be able to provide, even if you are so far away ... we'll figure it out or someone who knows someone who knows someone... in Canada ... (you've been around, it's a small fediverse, I SWEAR I'm not a stalker...just a mostly lurker).

Allllrihhhgttyy then (my fave Canadian, sorry), hopefully in the least, I have distracted you from something for a moment and maybe helped you smirk, or look disgusted at my grammer and punctuation. I really do hope you find something that helps you and makes it all a little less miserable, more and more often, sometimes happy is a big goal and feels heavy, but I want that for you too!

I ended up with a kidney surgery when I was young from holding it. I ended up with hypoglycemia from forgetting to eat regularly, for extended periods during high school. My teeth also had a rough time with bad habits.

It is a wonder I was not diagnosed for adhd earlier (44 diagnosed 2 mo ago)!

Because of health issues now still stemming from those younger years, I am more vigilant about bathroom breaks and at least healthy snacking if not proper meals. I keep flosspicks around and handy. Though, I still may not shower until halfway through a day and a future task now requires it, and other small things. Like, I will be sitting and intent on something and feel my leg tingling and telling me it's falling asleep, I won't pay it any attention though to shift or wiggle. Instead, I'll get a cramp or, finally go to move and have no feeling in that limb and be stuck. That's when my brain will acknowledge that we knew the whole time and just ignored it.

Medicine has been very helpful, though there are still habits that need correction after so many years ingrained.

Well put! I like that and will try and remember it for the next time I'm feeling anguish over my choices!

Thanks so much! I will def do it again if things come up. It was way better than being zoned out at work, making errors and getting more anxious about those consequences. I hope your week has started awesomely and continues through the holidays!

Had a pretty good weekend but decided I needed to call off today. We just made through one of our busiest seasons last week, had my birthday this weekend, Thanksgiving coming this week at my cousins house, who passed away last week. My best friend who passed away a few years ago, her bday is tomorrow. I decided I wanted to skip my meds and enjoy coffee and an empty house after everyone else left for work. I wallowed in some some sorrow and some past due self care. Then did some house care for feeling guilty playing hooky. I'm in my 40s and I think this is the first actual mental health day I have ever taken from work. It was kinda nice in the end. Felt really productive overall for a caffeine over meds day in the middle of some crazy stressors.

Whew. Thanks for the safe space to kinda tell all this to. I'm winding down so I can prepare for my new start of the week and this helped to share and kinda get it out.

I hope all of you have a wonderful week and if celebrating, stay safe in that holiday traffic and enjoy some good food!

Oh wow! I love the weird personality traits they get, even if they may make it harder to keep a nice place! Lol

I got some double sided tape made for putting on furniture to help deter my new little ones. We had to go through a few strips because they are obstinate little buggers. But, they have stopped using the corners of my couch. We have scratch pads and poles placed near those corners still and sometimes they will reach and show how big they can stretch on the couch but will do the scratching on their stuff now.

I got lucky, my SO sees someone for bi-polar who's specialty is adult adhd. Once it was suggested I seriously go see someone for an evaluation that step was easier, because of that. I wish you lots of luck in your search ahead. I had worried about that being a bigger hurdle than just waiting for an opening.

Ooo, that is my next one I wondered was even possible at my age. Or what it would mean other than some validation and explanations. I have already come up with so many coping strategies and routines at this point.

43 diagnosed yesterday finally.