I'm sorry to hear about your difficult experience and the impact it's had on you. It's obvious that this situation left a deep scar on your soul, and I applaud you for seeking therapy and getting sober.
I, personally don't know you nor her, nor was I present when all this happened but I think it's important to remind yourself that there are always two sides to a story. While your intentions may have been innocent, her perception of the interactions might have been different. It's possible that what felt like friendly conversation to you was perceived as uncomfortable or intrusive to her. This doesn't necessarily make anyone the "bad guy" – it's just a reminder of how complex human interactions can be and how two people can interpret the same situation very differently.
Regarding your self-perception and fear about future relationships, it's crucial to understand that one incident doesn't define who you are or dictate your future. People grow and change, especially when they actively work on themselves as you have. Being sober and in therapy are important steps towards understanding yourself and learning how to build healthy relationships.
Regarding how she chose to handle the situation, it's important to acknowledge that her actions, whether perceived as right or wrong, are beyond your control. While it's possible that her intentions were not entirely good-hearted, focusing on this aspect might not be constructive for your own healing journey. You cannot change her actions or her perception of the events, only how you respond and learn from the experience. This is part of accepting the past and focusing on your own growth and future.
I want to stress, that self-forgiveness is a vital part of healing. Continually hating yourself for past mistakes is not productive. Recognizing your growth and the efforts you've made to improve is important. You're not the person you were six years ago.
Finally let me tell you that everyone deserves love and the chance to enter into a healthy relationship. This experience doesn't change that. I highly recommend discussing your feelings with your therapist, who can provide more personalized guidance and support.
And as last two cents: remember, growth often comes from challenging experiences. You're on the right path by acknowledging the past, learning from it, and making positive changes. Keep moving forward!
I hope you find something useful in my babbling and wish you a wonderful day 🙂
Thanks 😊