August27th

attend a service

Then they won, didn't they.

I grew up in a city of 1M, moved to a city of 100K, moved to a town of 7K, and then back to the city of 100K at my wife's behest. I was happiest in the town, because it was uncrowded and affordable.

she explains that life in the city isn't all that great and I ain't missing out because most people aren't more social in cities than in our town or small city next to our town.

Your wife is completely right, in my opinion. Quite frankly, it comes down to what you make of it. If you don't make the effort to make friends, it doesn't matter where you are, you are going to be lonely. The bigger the city, there is going to be a better opportunity to meet people of your type, sure, but the odds of getting together regularly, let alone finding them, are slim because everyone is busy working to afford where they are.

it would be awesome to have a gym in the same block, a grocery store under my flat, a nice bar or coffee around the corner where I could socialize with others. But then my wife comes again with reality: "And it all costs money.

You are right, it would be awesome. And your wife is right, that setup is expensive AF. The people living that life are trust fund beneficiaries. But you should know the coffee shop is just a whirlwind of all the other people getting in, getting their morning stimulant, and getting out to get to their job to afford it all.

The time to have the city experience that you are wishing for was more than 30 to 40 years ago, when houses were affordable, and there was more free time, so you could afford to get together, and the odds of other people being available was greater again, because they could afford it too.

Your fomo is not just for another place, but for a bygone era.

There are many things I also don't like about the city, for example sometimes the smell, the homeless, the traffic, and I sometimes think I'd still need a car because of groceries, visiting family in the country side where I live now so I couldn't sell my car anyways.

Please believe me that this is the reality of city life today. I'm so glad you notice it. All of it is wearing.

I visit the city to go shopping for clothes or just eat out I am always glad I can leave again. [...] I was always happy leaving the city and I still am happy when I can leave after a whole day in the city

IMO, you are getting a taste of the wear.

I feel like I [am not allowed an] opinion on this subject and this makes me crazy.

This is really where the problem lies I think. You have a dream you can't shake, but all external signs are pointing to it not being a good one.

Can I give you some perspective from your wife's side? My wife is a bit like you, trying to move to a bigger center for dream reasons.

It drives me crazy when she talks about moving to a bigger center that is unaffordable, and is not what it is cracked up to be. She even knows it, but still insists. Her dreams are not founded in the reality of our times, but that's just my opinion. And it is wearing to have the same conversation about it over and over.

From one married guy to another, if your sex life, home life, and job life is otherwise good, for the love of god, try to invest in inventing something social where you are already at, to fill that missing piece. The city is a shitty, expensive, noisy place now. If your relationship with your wife is good, and you trust your wife, just believe her, she has your best intentions at heart. If you have all of that, and live away from it all, man, I envy you deeply.

Sorry to hear that. My ex was neglected in a bunch of ways as a child, and both her parents are narcissists. She may never fully heal from that, but she is better now than when we were together, she took the time to focus on herself better. That said, I'd never go back to her in a million years, I will never be able to be the person she needs. I can see the person she was supposed to be, she can too, but there's nothing I can do, the damage was done before I even met her.

Don't feel pressured to reply, reply more, nor even at all if you aren't feeling it. I understand, and you owe no obligations. If I got you amped up, I apologize. If I didn't, don't worry that I apologized. Just chill and take it easy. You take care of you, one step at a time.

Don't let your RSD get to you in this post. Convince yourself I wrote this for another person.

Bro, you are in a bad way, and I'm going to talk to you like no therapist ever would, because they have certain obligations and will dance around things until you finally get it on your own while they waste years of your life waiting for you to do so. I have ADHD and was in a relationship with a person with undiagnosed (at the time) BPD, which was no picnic, and some of your writings give me flashbacks.

I will be blunt with you, because I wish someone had been blunt with me and gave me direct advice. Get out, the relationship is not worth it, and the really unfortunate thing is that you can only really comprehend this properly once you are out.

If I could give you a gift, it would be to advance your life 15 years into the future when you are well out of this relationship -- the moment you finally snapped you were so fed up and realized there was more to life is all but a distant memory -- so that you finally have some perspective and relief. Your future self is glad that's all in the past, and that you are finally safe and free of the toxicity you were living in.

Most of the time, it's good.

I wish you knew how truly miserable this phrase is. You think you know, but you don't, I can tell from how you defend things. I used to tell myself that same thing.

Our fucked up brains are just great at causing unintentional harm from time to time.

Stop trying to justify it. That's what I did. I can tell you this is a bad defense. Things are much better with a partner without a fucked up brain, or at least a lesser one. I'd bet money that you'd find your brain less fucked up without hers around. Just because you are both fucked up doesn't mean you can help each other, it makes it worse. Just because you are both fucked up, doesn't mean you deserve each other or are right for each other even with therapy.

Our increasing [ability] to better express ourselves [...] amplifies our ability to hurt one another

Isn't that telling you something?

I'm madly in love with her and she with me

Yes, and? So what? This can be true even while she is still hurting you and you are miserable. People think this is mutually exclusive, but it isn't. "I'm madly in love with her and she with me" what does this even matter if you are miserable?

She [...] regrets [things] deeply. There was a lot of good that came out of our previous attempt at couples therapy and she's made concrete changes, in addition to apologies.

That's nice and all, but what good is this if you are still getting hurt and are miserable?

You have been patient, more than patient. You think there is an end in sight to your misery while remaining in this relationship, but it's an illusion.

In my opinion, you've been strung along enough. You've given it way more than enough time for you to be happy, it's time to try something new, something different, free of the encumbrances of this relationship. It's probably scary to you. I know it was for me. But damn if it isn't eye opening to be in a relationship where you aren't being made miserable, your partner genuinely cares about you, and the physicality is a match. It's exciting, refreshing, freeing. You can start fresh and put all that you've learned to use with someone who genuinely makes you happy, and you do the same for them. Things can get better.

The wrong way. *flip* The wrong way. *flip* The right way.

Fuck's sake.

Exactly

Same old, same old

Translation: still stuck in some horrible cycle

Tell me you are too oblivious to implement CI/CD without telling me you're too oblivious to to implement CI/CD. Their builds and packaging should have been fully automated if it was such a pain. If you can make a Mac version of any software, you can make a Linux version. The debate internally was likely management being dumb as rocks and overruling anyone who actually knows anything.

"I'm a cat, I kill for fun."

This will not be popular but oh well.

The cause of inflation is: getting something for nothing. One can see how this notion would be unpopular, because, well, literally anyone would like to get something without working for it/for free. And some people are better than others at doing that, with varying definitions for "better", "people", "something", and "nothing".

The classic example of inflation is the one everyone knows: a store that raises prices because of theft. A skateboard maker builds skateboards, a skateboard gets stolen, the price goes up to cover the loss of the things that went into the skateboard (materials, labor, etc) so the builder can still eat. The price of skateboards has inflated because of theft; the thief got something for nothing. Fact of life.

Inflation in currency is caused by fractional reserve banking; the ability to lend more currency on paper than actually exists physically. You actually have to print more money in order to keep the system from grinding to a halt. The inflation would eventually resolve, but when interest is applied to the lent money it does not. Why manipulating the interest rate is related to combatting inflation lays in here. Find a decently long YouTube video about how fractional reserve banking works to find out more. I'd provide a link but I can't find the good one right now. Suffice to say, inflation went up, because the banking system got money for having money. Fact of life.

Prices way over the cost of the good due to corporate greed is another one, pretty similar to the classic theft example, just modified. The price of something goes up, not to cover a loss, but "just because" someone wants more money, when it comes down to it. You can quarrel all day about the fine details on that. Suffice to say inflation went up because they got more money for something by essentially doing nothing more. Fact of life.

The interesting thing about that last one is that the problem is compounded by (what could be considered the "excess") money going back into the fractional reserve banking system, especially without there having been any real work done to justify the added cost. You can kind of get a glimpse of how the interest rate is tied to inflation, and why raising it also doesn't fix everything; cheaper money means people don't care about the needlessly higher price of things as much, so if you raise the cost of money people have to be concerned again. But by raising the rate, the banking system is getting more money for no "real" reason, so...

So I suppose, knowing what we know now, it might be better to say, rather than "something for nothing": receiving something for less than it is genuinely worth, or the flip side, selling something for more than it is genuinely worth, or maybe just simply, getting value without working for it.

If this all sounds insane to you, and you are thinking of replying, before you do, you really should learn about how fractional reserve banking works. It is the thing that underpins everything in modern life, and is the literal foundation of our world economy. Not knowing how it works is like not knowing why you get sick from drinking still water on the ground. You can still get along without knowing it, but if you know, it sure helps you to navigate the world better. Do watch the most detailed video or something you can find.