I was never popular at school or uni. Kids called me fat, gay, a loser, a bitch, a fat-gay-bitch loser, etc., but now I'm probably the most popular and best-liked guy at my job, I don't mean to brag but that's just how it is. The thing that makes me happiest is being self-employed and not having to deal with those assholes ever again.
this post was submitted on 20 Feb 2024
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I was never "popular" in school, but I got on pretty well with pretty much everyone. The "popular" kids were actually a pretty small, insular crowd that didn't actually like almost anyone. I kinda figured that's what it was like everywhere.
In my experience they are just a bunch of good looking, insecure but confident, rich pieces of shit
lol. Well done.
Try giving those compliments.
It's not what you're asking about but most people want that kind of attention sometimes.
I'm a middle-aged straight dude. I compliment other guys beards, hats, jackets, whatever, because we NEVER get compliments.
And it's common to want or need feel special and noticed now and again.
It's the stuff you remember - one guy in a work meeting saying 'Damn that was fast' when I came up with a good comeback, or the guy at the convenience store who went nuts when he heard my voice and realized I was the guy who had the big bushy beard (that I'd shaved the night before as a Halloween 'costume'.)
Tbh I am kinda on the fence on this particular subject, like some sort of a compliment when I am a bit down would be nice, but the feeling of being complimented once every two/three years is so absolutely ethereal to me that I don’t wanna let it go, it’s a different kind of happiness which I don’t think I would get if I started getting compliments more regularly
But you know that is just my opinion
Right, but that's my point - be the change you wish to see in the world.
The people you think of as popular who are complimenting people, maybe they're only popular because they make other people feel good by acknowledging them.
Be kind. Be encouraging. Be complimentary. There's no good reason not to be, really.
Listen to this guy. I’ve lived the shift he’s prompting you take.
It’s incredibly hard to describe. People start to see it on you I think.
From my experience it seems to be in the way I look at people differently and how my body language has shifted. I’m face-blind so it’s hard for me to say for sure but I think people can see that I’m looking for positivity and a way to compliment them or brighten their day.
And if you’re trying to get laid… Holy shit. Give a genuine thank you and compliment someone of the same sex on your dates. Show your romance for the world and not just the person across the table. It really really works.
Yup. I got a promotion at work a year ago and in my interview for team lead I said I wanted to emulate an earlier person in my role who made people feel supported... and I know my team has respected and embraced my approach to the role.
So now I get to work each day knowing I'm respected and appreciated... that my words and actions have impact on them and their work.
Capitalism sucks, work sucks, but if it's still inevitable at least it's more bearable, you know?
Lmao exactly.
I work at a lumber mill and made the GM cry in the break room one day. All I said was ‘I see you man’ after talking about the stress he takes on.
He’s a very different person with me now.
‘Compassionate Masculinity’ is how I described one of my managers at the Apple Store. He taught me a lot through his example.
I understand this concern. It has been a strange shift but honestly it’s wonderful. That ethereal feeling doesn’t necessarily go away but it does change a bit.
As you get better at giving compliments and lifting people up you will draw similar people to you and teach people around you to speak to you in a similar way. There’s a feedback loop that raises that ethereal feeling to something more familiar but no less effecting.
People always remember how you made them feel (both good and bad). Never underestimate that.
When you make them feel something for once
I don't think I've ever thought about who's "popular" at work.
I remember that being a thing in like high school, but it just doesn't map to my experience as an adult working a full time job.
As to what makes me happy: The usual things. I get paid. I get recognition for work well done. People listen to me when I say "Don't do that. That's a terrible idea. I will explain why in as much detail as you need."
I think the concept of 'popular' at work is a bit silly but for the sake of your question, I am and have been very well-liked at most of my jobs. People give me compliments and show their appreciation often and I usually do float on that high for a minute, but I also don't really absorb it. I have real bad imposter syndrome and low self esteem. Those 'popular' people aren't usually as high on themselves as you might think.
As for what actually makes me happy, idk maybe my cats and seeing people I care about succeed.
I'm glad you get happy when you get compliments, you deserve to feel happy. I can't imagine ever being annoyed by compliments.
I genuinely enjoy human contact. It's why I like working in-office rather than remote. Because I naturally enjoy being around others, I want them to be happy too.
My compliments are genuine. If you look close enough, there's usually something you can find about a person that you can give a genuine compliment to. That fosters good will between people. The better they feel around me, the better I feel.
Compliments don't get annoying. I love getting them, especially when I know they're genuine. It's why I always make sure my own compliments are genuine.
The only time it gets uncomfortable is when compliments go over the top.
Saying the right thing at the right time and place - whether it's a joke or empathic words or advice, it feels awesome to feel connected to someone by having said the right thing.
I like making jokes with people. Anything to make people laugh. If you have to be there, you might as well have some fun doing it. And, it is great for group cohesion. Not everyone has to be funny either, just be open to laughing with others.
I'm naturally charismatic. I'm lucky, don't know how or why it just comes natural. But I hate getting complements. It makes me uncomfortable, I don't need or want them. What drives me is my own desire to be better and get better. I don't need external influence, my internal pressure is already many times greater than what most get exposed to. At least that's my interpretation.
I ran a large organization that sold test answers. By my senior year I had a full casino going.
School? I just talked to everyone and asked them questions about their lives, because I was curious. Everyone was so different from me.
Work? Well I’m old now and cranky, people just deferred to me and I didn’t want to and for some raisin people loved me. I didn’t want them to, I just wanted to get stuff done and go home. But they’re alright.