this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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[–] HowManyNimons@lemmy.world 141 points 10 months ago (4 children)

This nonsense again? John Hislop runs a gambling blog for money, and published this googlebait years ago to get sweet SEO candy. Clearly it's still working.

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 162 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I don’t know, I’ve been reading his blog about 20+ years, and the bait haven’t worked on me

[–] HowManyNimons@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

Paging @wit2437

[–] Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 11 points 10 months ago

We'll need a repost detecting bot

[–] PP_BOY_@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

I love gambling

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 110 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Doggy dog world

It's a dog eat dog world. Bone apple tit!

[–] hikikoma@ani.social 87 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's bon appétit. They're a diamond dozen!

[–] Sylvartas@lemmy.world 78 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's "a dime a dozen". As they say, knowledge is power, France is bacon.

[–] Bonehead@kbin.social 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's Francis Bacon, the author that said "Knowledge is power". Come on now, this is easy enough to look up...it's not rocket appliances.

[–] RobertOwnageJunior@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's rocket science. But we'll cross that bridge when we cum on it.

[–] splicerslicer@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

The expression you're looking for is "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" Not that it matters, it's all water under the fridge anyway, mostly a moo point.

[–] TommySalami@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Come on, man, it's "water under the bridge". I want to contribute but it felt like we were drifting into malaphors there for a second, so I'm gonna play it by year and just see what comes next.

[–] ettyblatant@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Not to be rude, but it's actually "play it by ear". I'm trying to come up with something witty to say, but I'm dropping a blank.

[–] Jerb322@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I don't want to beat under the bush so I'm just going to say it. You should have said "drawing a blank ".

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Hey man just want to correct you so you don't embarrass yourself, it's beat around the bush. Good thing I nipped that in the butt.

[–] okmko@lemmy.world 0 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

It's nip it in bud - which is not the nipple of a human, but the bud of a rose. Sorry for being so pedophile.

[–] pivot_root@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

A pedophile is a kiddie diddler; you're thinking of "pedantic." But, that's just my two scents on the matter.

[–] Kase@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

It's actually "my two cents." No offense, after all, every buddy makes missed takes.

[–] SpaceCowboy@lemmy.ca 99 points 10 months ago (6 children)

Also it's actually not that hard to quit smoking. I've quit smoking four times.

[–] Patches@sh.itjust.works 26 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

Hey I can quit when I want to.

When I want to. Not when you or the doctor, or everyone else in my life, wants me to...

  • (Now deceased) Addict who smoked from a wheelchair with an attached oxygen tank at his daughters wedding. He did not make it to see his first grandchild.
[–] ignotum@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago

Don't let anyone tell you how to take... Erm, how to live your life!

[–] menemen@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

It is true though. When you really want to, stopping isn't that hard. I chain smoked for 13 years. And then the time came when I really wanted to stop (I had an upcoming marriage and just needed that money). And because I really wanted to, I did stop.

I'd still suggest to make a plan beforehand though. Mine were nicotine free cigarettes. They really helped my hands to stay occupied and, even more important, I still could go on a smoking break at work from time to time. I let that fade out slowly.

[–] Patches@sh.itjust.works 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Stopping is that hard. But it's not impossible.

It's been 6 years and I still crave cigarettes, or my vape, every time I see them being used. Could be 4 floors down in front of the building across the street through a window. I still want a hit.

But I did it. I don't want to be remembered as that guy who left his daughter all alone in life because he's a selfish prick. Choosing cigarettes over your own children is fucked.

[–] menemen@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

It's been almost 14 years for me now. It will never go away completely. Just 2 days ago I rewatched some Sopranos and saw Tony smoke a cigar. Immediately I was extremely tempted to order some nice cigars online. Quenched that though, remembering how last time I tried "just puffing" a cigar and immediately drew deep down (that was my single and only slipup). Nope, no cigars, no shisha, no nothing.

It gets less problematic every year though and the triggers get fewer. Seeing someone smoke in front of a restaurant e.g only triggers a "Uff, good for me that I stopped!" nowadays. That used to be different.

What I meant is, that if you really want to, it is defintly something eveyone can manage. Yes, the addiction is real. But the human will is an amazing thing. One has to find the reason why to want to stop. Then it is defintly possible for everyone.

I was the "Uff, at least I don't smoke as much as he" guy people looked at to feel better about their own cigarette addiction and no one believed I'd ever stop. But when I really wanted to, I just did. The half assed 20 times I stopped before that though... One has to find his "I want to stop" reason to actually do it.

[–] LarmyOfLone@lemm.ee 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

On a serious note, there is a type of natural Antidepressant in cigarette smoke (MAOIs) which you come off of like 2 weeks delayed because it has a type of reservoir in the body. So once you quit you can get like delayed withdrawal symptoms.

[–] SpaceCowboy@lemmy.ca 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, can confirm, though it was usually around a week for me. First couple of days are rough, then you start feeling better, then a few days later you feel like shit again.

[–] LarmyOfLone@lemm.ee 2 points 10 months ago

Yeah not sure about the time frame. For me it wasn't too bad because I switched to vaping so I still had nicotine. But it would have helped if I had known why I was suddenly in such a super bad mood for a few days haha.

[–] Akasazh@feddit.nl 2 points 10 months ago

When I used to smoke I made the new years resolution ever year 'to stop more often next year'

I go on holiday more nowadays, feels like a better use of the money

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[–] therealjcdenton@lemmy.zip 26 points 10 months ago
[–] robocall@lemmy.world 22 points 10 months ago (4 children)
[–] Wanderer@lemm.ee 30 points 10 months ago (4 children)

My favourite tweet possibly ever

[–] BigBananaDealer@lemm.ee 8 points 10 months ago

ive seen the first but never the second

[–] s_s@lemm.ee 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I still can't believe twitter made Donald Trump a Potus. It has to be one of the wildest stories in our country's history.

[–] WaxedWookie@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

Don't forget that enough people were so impressed with his fuckery that there's a very real danger that he'll be given a second shot at it.

[–] Kase@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago

This is so absurd. It sounds like it comes from one of those AI presidents-playing-minecraft videos on youtube.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Trump drinks diet coke and would never call himself not thin.

[–] lord_ryvan@ttrpg.network 1 points 3 months ago

I mean, I think we've seen it here

[–] key@lemmy.keychat.org 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] Duranie 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I was too, until they changed the formula a year and a half/2 years ago? Started tasting more like Pepsi to me, not a fan. I can do Cherry Coke Zero on occasion, or if I've got a craving I'll do regular Zero with a squirt of orange Miso.

[–] Grass@sh.itjust.works 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Please tell me miso is a brand and not japanese miso

[–] Duranie 1 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Oh God - auto correct fucked me. I meant Mio. Like the concentrated drink mix that comes in small bottles that you can add to water.

[–] Grass@sh.itjust.works 1 points 10 months ago

Oh ok. I have seen those before yet didn't think of them somehow.

[–] Noodle07@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

You're not alone, stay strong my friend! And keep me a bottle in the fridge

[–] Slovene@feddit.nl 20 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That joke is stolen from Richard Pryor. "I've been doing coke for 15 years and I'm still not addicted." Or something like that.

[–] Anamana@feddit.de 23 points 10 months ago (1 children)

It's probably a joke as old as the word addiction itself

[–] Waraugh@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 10 months ago

Older actually. The gentleman who came up with the word addiction was quoted as saying “I’ve been coming up with words for fifteen years and I’m still not…I’ll get back to you.”

[–] orphiebaby@lemm.ee 0 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Downvote for what the top comment said and also "doggy dog world".

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