Unpopular Opinion

I'm a transwoman and I agree with you on this. When I was dating, I was upfront and when a guy said it was a deal breaker, it saved both of us a lot of time.

Most guys I talked to said it was a dealbreaker, and yeah it sucks. It makes you feel "othered." But I can't expect anyone to go outside their sexual comfort zone for a rando on Tinder.

Most of the guys were very polite about it all, too. And that's all you should need to do.

If someone's shaming you about it, that's a good sign they have something going on in their own life. Essentially it's their problem, not yours.

Hope this helps~

on the flip side, people should be able to say they want a trans partner.

real talk though, no one should be deceiving anyone if they plan to start a healthy relationship with someone, period.

I'm stealth trans in public and don't feel it's necessary to come out to every one i meet or even work with. But if I'm flirting with someone or know someone has an interest in me, I respect them enough to let them know.

it all comes back to the idea that you don't need to know what someone's genitals look like unless you plan on fucking them.

You should, of course, have your preferences, and your deal-breakers, and whatever else. So if you find someone you are interested in is trans, and that's a deal-breaker for you, that's fine.

But there is a difference between that and putting in your bio "No Trans People." Is being trans your only deal-breaker? What makes that a deal-breaker worth calling out, but not others? Before you put "No Trans" in your profile, I would ask you to consider that, if you are an athletic person and want an athletic person, would "No fat women" be something you would feel comfortable putting in your bio (even if that was a deal-breaker for you)? What would you think of someone who puts "No black people" in their bio?

If they have any sense, they will let you know either in their profile, in conversation before-hand, or during the first date or so (before things get intimate), and you can politely end things, just like if you found out they were Scientologists or several levels up in an MLM (or both). Hell, it may take until a third date, like finding out they don't just like, but can relate to Olivia Rodrigo's music. (In fairness, those three were objectively bad, but I don't know any of your non-trans related preferences, so I had to go with some things most people should consider deal-breakers).

The point is, people look for and look out for a lot of things, but I only ever hear people complain about it being rude to put "No trans." It kind of makes it clear that the person saying it has a particular issue beyond just dating preferences.

Who, exactly, is saying that having a sexual preference is bigoted? I've heard rumors about this argument, but never encountered it in the wild.

1: not unpopular

2: if this is a scenario you are actually seeing in real life, you should find better people to hang out with.

Am I weird in that I think it's weird to announce that kind of thing on a dating profile? Like, I'm on all the dating apps and people generally don't get access to me until there's a mutual agreement to match, right? Unless you're swiping on everyone or they're actively trying to hide it, are you matching with a lot of trans folk? Are you so inundated by these matches that you feel the need to announce these preferences up front? I can't imagine it's so many that you can't just have a polite conversation when it comes up and explain the preference? It's the whole need to announce it, knowing how it could come off, that makes people question the intent. If you were at the bar and someone you're attracted to comes up to talk, do you stop them and say "before you go any further, know that I only date cis people."?

I'm genderfluid and I agree with you. Cis people shouldn't be tricked, manipulated or emotionally blackmailed into copulating with us just because we want a partner. Partners do have the right to know whether we're cis, trans or nonbinary.

one is a preference

Maybe for some. But for most it's not even a preference it is a sexual orientation. A preference can be negotiated. A sexual orientation is just the way that you are.

The underlying issue is that dating apps just need better filters. An ideal one would be were you could filter out any deal breakers.

How the hell does this have so many downvotes? Surely not from the crowd that preaches consent and freedom of choice?

I hope this isn't actually an unpopular opinion. People objectively have a type of what they do and don't want. Specification is a good thing and will help people find their match faster. The last thing a person, either trans or not trans would want, is to spend time with someone who will never work for them.

I understand the danger of revealing trans status. I also understand that it can be even more dangerous to be discovered as trans after a relationship develops with a partner who is violently transphobic. Back in the 80's I was in the Navy. One of the guys on my ship was arrested for attempted murder. The woman he was dating didn't reveal she was trans and he found out when they became intimate. He threw her off a second story balcony after beating her.

My question is why anyone would want to initiate a relationship with another person unless their prospective partner was accepting of them? I'd at least bring up the subject in an indirect manner to judge their response.

Fuck I'm trans and I agree with you

You don't date trans women because you are a bigot.

I don't date trans women because I have a menstruation fetish. We are not the same.

Disclaimer: this is a joke. I have been in a relationship with a trans woman.

I think the trickiest part is that trans people generally have spent a lot more time thinking about their sexuality and identity than most cis people. Most cis people (or at least cishet) have put basically 0 thought into it. They cant articulate better than "straight", and if you probe further they would just say "I like men/women". They cant fully identifyor explain what it is about the opposite sex specifically they are attracted to because they often havent had to think about it ever. And if genitals are a factor in that attraction, then it may be pretty important. Some people may be able to see past that. Some may not. But we shouldn't force someone to date somebody they arent attracted to, even if they cant eloquently fully explain why they arent attracted.

I don't trust the way this question is framed. Yes people have preferences but why do you have to ask other people how to talk to someone like a human being? We are human. You can just have a conversation with us.

I've had girls attracted to me even when knowing my trans status which other people started screaming about saying I must be a girl (I even have facial hair). So the idea that cis hets can't EVER be attracted to us is a lie.

Basically I don't trust anyone else's opinion on this. We are people. This is not Build-A-Date. Learn to communicate like an adult. Not every trans person has the same set of equipment.

There's a difference between having a preference/orientation and outright saying "no trans people" on your profile, imo. The former is totally fine and I think the vast majority of people think the same. If you did the latter, I would definitely remove that. It's unnecessary and can make people feel shitty. Just swipe left on people you aren't attracted to, and if you find a dealbreaker while talking to someone, politely disengage.

In general, I find it's best to avoid putting any kind of negative thing in your bio. Both because you run the risk of making people feel bad for no reason, and because psychologically, you want people to associate you with positive things about you, not the things you dislike. Most people have a lot of dealbreakers that are far too numerous and exhausting to enumerate anyway. Just asses for yourself, and if you don't like something about someone, move on.

I have never run into this, honestly. I would assume if you are looking for a possible sexual relationship, that a person's sexual preference matters. Not to say gender is not important, but sex also is in this instance. If you expect a dick and get a clit, that's going to be a bit of a let-down, no matter how much you are romantically attracted to the person. I think it's mature to have this conversation early in the relationship. More people need to understand that you can discuss this kind of stuff like adults and well, if you're someone looking for a certain type of partner, there should not be shame attached to it.

I agree, but if this is unpopular it really oughtn't be. I've always advertised up front that I'm a trans woman, because not everyone wants to date that and I wouldn't want to be with anyone who doesn't. I don't think it's at all unreasonable, and you're totally right that people shouldn't be shamed for that.

That said, there's ways of turning people down that absolutely deserve to be shamed, and not being interested in someone isn't justification for say, telling a trans woman you aren't interested because you like women.

If you're acting like a reasonable adult and treating people respectfully though, you should be respected in kind. People are entitled to being interested in who they're interested in. If you aren't attracted you aren't attracted.