Chat

i came out as female to my family and close friends and they have all been very supportive 🥺❤️

My mom who I haven't seen in like six years is coming to stay with me for a little under a week. She hasn't seen me in person since I transitioned but is supportive despite her conservative leanings. She's also visiting me in here in Portland from where she lives in Texas so there's a double layer of "everything is okay, the city is not on fire" plus all the new trans stuff she's going to be asking about. So it'll be a week of doing my best to be an LGBTQ encyclopedia and Portland advocate while catching up with my mom. It should be okay, but it's going to be stressful 🥲

my first foster dog, chuck, is an absolute angel, and i don't say that lightly as somebody who is very realistic about a dog's personality. (my own two dogs are certified jerks, lol.) chuck gets along great with every dog he's met, loves kids, and the folks at the vet clinic said he just stood there while they did his exam, like nothing was even happening. i can attest to that, as i had to give him eye drops this evening. i've only had him about a week, and i doubt i'm going to have him much longer, because he's the dog everybody wants when they think of a great, chill pet.

My outside kitty ran away for 6 weeks and just came back on monday morning! I was getting into a bit of a depressive episode and had started mourning her, so having her back feels great.

Last night I grabbed a bunch of audio files for country songs that contain the phrase "ice cold beer," then I edited them together so that all the "ice cold beer"s lined up amidst the cacophony of about 5 songs being played at the same time. I thought that would be funny but it just didn't sound as good as I thought it would. Maybe if each song faded in one by one... I dunno.

Moved to a small town earlier this year, tried to make friends, met some cool people, last month I found out one of the group was super openly transphobic, so I stopped hanging out with them. Tried to reconnect with some cousins, last week I found out one was a transphobe, homophobe, and racist, cut her off. Started to get close with a different one, found out yesterday that he was transphobic, cut him off. I'm not trans, but I don't want to be around idiots that think trans people are groomers. Feeling pretty goddamn isolated and terrible about myself. Wishing I could just stay inside and never see people for the rest of my life.

Not terrible thus far. Getting over a cold and am already sick of hearing about the Twitter rebrand, but otherwise better than the past few days.

Really starting to wish that Lemmy had a way to block entire instances. It feels silly that my choices are to either block everything labeled as NSFW (including discussions, comics, etc that aren’t necessarily sexual in nature but not appropriate for work), or have to block an endless sea of furry porn on the “All” timeline, one community at a time (no judgement, just not what I’m on Lemmy for).

I’m doing better than I was previously. Getting past some mental health hurdles, and I’m finally back to work. I start on a new team, with a new supervisor that won’t cruelly demean me in our 1 on 1s until I start crying 🙃 still struggling a bit and I messed up my back gardening over the weekend, so that doesn’t help.

it was my birfday last thursday

i did the lego great wave of kanagawa set

Pretty good! I just made an account here. I've been on Lemmy/Fedi/etc for a while but finally found my way to the hive.

Now I'm sipping coffee to get ready for the workday. Hope y'all have a good week.

I'm bad at self care but I went to the optometrist last week and... my eyeglass prescription doubled. Did you know road signs have words on them? Huh!

Debbie downer here! If you're having a good day, I don't want to harsh it, so skip me! :)

Apparently my mood's been off enough this week that it's been effecting people around me negatively and now I have to get restarted on meditating to hopefully fix it. But at least I do have that one option, I definitely haven't always had a path to follow when it comes to mood/feeling stuff. It just feels precarious because it's like, if this doesn't work, what comes next?

Idk, maybe this is a feeble attempt at crowdsourcing what comes next, because if that doesn't work, idk what I'll do. Probably will just shrug and try to keep moving at the very worst, it's all one can do sometimes.

But it's not all terrible, my cat is healthy, I have a job, and I have friends, so there's that :)

Tldr; this is me venting that emotions are difficult little bastards

Today has been the first day in a long time where I’ve been able just enjoy it and realise I am enjoying it in the moment. I took the day off work, had a therapy session and I went to gym. It’s been lovely so far + I made my therapist laugh so I won therapy

My BF failed their exam that would have given them enough credit to not have to take a final semester. COVID and a lack of support for their mental health makes this their 6th year of college. Sadly, this means a few more months of long distance relationship, but at least he isn't at risk of being kicked out for being trans.

...For now. I'm fully prepared to make the drive and extract him from a bad situation. We're feeling better than expected, though, since now the dread of the test looming over his head is gone.

Doing pretty good now, just finally got it confirmed that I have ADHD which is a big relief to know since it means I can be put on medication in the next month or so.

Bit up and down. Not as productive as I would have liked thanks to mental health, but also not terrible either. I'd give it a 6.5/10

This week is starting out complicated. I have a ton to do for work and absolutely no motivation to do any of it, so I'm having to spend more willpower than I'm used to just to get started. I'm coming off of a bad weekend mood-wise and really feeling the "want to run away to a cave and live there forever" vibes, which is also taking effort to move past.

One thing that's cheering me up is planning out the details of some house changes for August/September, which hopefully will end up going well. Visualizing the end result is giving me something positive to look forward to.

Pretty bad, been feeling depressed for a while now and it feels like this week has been a new lowest low maybe. I made some progress in my mental health this week, along with just trying to enjoy spending time with my SO and not be so down all the time. There are some positives.

Not great. My aunt died, my visa plans are all up in the air, dysphoria is in full swing, and i cant stop having anxiety attacks. But what else is new?🙃

First dinner date in 2 years for me. Gonna have a panic attack. Wish me luck!

It's been pretty awful, sadly. As Neil Gaiman says, "Events are cowards. They come in packs." It's been one blow after another all week, and I don't think I can handle any more bad news.

I'm honestly losing my will to live. Not actively considering sucide, but in the "I wouldn't mind if that bus just swerved into me and this bullshit could finally end" phase. Physical and mental health's down the shitter, and I'm making the mental part worse by isolating myself from my friends and the outside world in general – partially because I'm just so tired due to health issues, and partially due to having picked up an old substance abuse problem that I tend to reach for every time I hit a rough spot, and which absolutely does not help. Haven't left my apartment in days now.

Everything feels so pointless. My immune system hates me, meaning my body has decided that everything starting from my eyes to my nervous system is the enemy, so now I'm slowly losing my eyesight and getting neuropathic pain from dying nerve fibers. After getting sick 3 or so years ago I've managed to cut almost all of my friends out of my life because I either honestly didn't have the energy to do stuff with them and keep in touch, or just spent my days sulking about how terrible I feel (and tbh there have been times I really did feel absolutely terrible, what with radiotherapy and surgery and all) instead of spending time with people who cared about me, so now nobody even asks me out to things anymore or gets in touch. Not that I had all that many friends in the first place, being a bit of a weirdo loner to start with, so it's no surprise that the few I had left evaporated when all I could talk about was how terrible I felt after getting an internal organ nuked or how I had to go to the emergency department again because of XYZ.

Slowly trying to come to terms and learn to live with chronic illness now that the acute stuff is over, but I've isolated myself so efficiently that it's hard to pick up my life from where I left it before I got sick. So right now the place I'm at is that I'm a bloated aging ruin of a person in a world that's rapidly going down the shitter, and I just feel so hopeless about, well, everything.

It's early on in the week, but not bad at all. Finishing the moving process in my apartment and just working overnights out on the highway, which is pretty chill. Aside from that, cleaning, gaming, reading, the usual.

Been another week of pointless stressful bullshit at work for me, which eats into my real life outside of work more than I'd like. That being said, making some progress on finding a therapist (a surprisingly difficult process it seems) and also a driving instructor -- almost made it to 30 without learning to drive, but the time is now!

Also starting the process of ditching music streaming in favour of Bandcamp, which has been fun. Been feeling some real nostalgia for the old days of buying tracks off iTunes!

Been doing alright.

Feel burnt out and tired. Worst part is that when I have to sleep, I'm never tired so I end up sleeping about 5 hours. I sometimes take edibles to fall asleep, but it became a bad habit and a couple weeks ago I ran out and I was feeling some sort of dread so I stopped taking them. It has definitely affected the amount of time I sleep, but at least I don't feel groggy in the morning anymore.

I'm planning a trip with my girlfriend for our one year anniversary. We are probably going to a small cabin at a nearby lake. I'm really looking forward to spending time with her. Whiskey, good food, and my girlfriend sounds really nice, but for now we work.

I finally discovered why my taste is messed up since I'm taking my ADHD medication. It turns out it's a side effect that doesn't disappear, and apparently I can't do anything about it.

Besides that, I've been hyperfocused in this game called Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup. Trying to pass the main dungeon, but dying miserably because of things.

And I'm watching two TV series, after several months without consuming any media, except for the news. One is "Red Dwarf". The other is "Doctor Who".

Spending time with friends and watched a thunderstorm roll through a mountain valley last night. I try to really memorize moments like that because when life inevitably slides the other way, those are the things that help me carry on, hoping to be lucky enough for one more of those good days.

All in all, pretty good. I finished with intensive out patient last week, so I start regular out patient today (3 months sober!). It's my second week of my new job and so far everyone is pretty chill. My pixelfed account is trending right now (I'm not completely sure what that means/does, but either way it's cool that people are enjoying my hobby) I'm @Swanton if any of you want to check it out. It's only Tuesday, but so far so good

Well, things have been up and down for me - lots and lots of stress factors from what feels like every potential facet of my life for a long time now. I've been working on trying to improve that where I can, and getting help from mental health professionals too.

But on the upside, yesterday I got to hang out with a couple of friends that I haven't gotten to in a while, along with meeting some of their friends, and it was a blast! We did the "Last Wish" raid in Destiny 2 which was a very fun time! It did a very good job at reminding me that even though bad things can happen, there's still some good moments to be had.

Trying to get back on track, from literally doing nothing.

Mentally not having a great week but not hugely sure why. Not sleeping well which doesn't help. Hoping that seeing Barbie later will help

8 work days left before im finally free of the retail industry, feels good I feel like todays gaming stream also went well ( finished yakuza 1 on the ps2)

I'm very sleep deprived but doing alright. How about you @alyaza@beehaw.org?

Goin' aight. It was fun last week, but pretty busy for a summer week for me too. I had a friend over while they were in town for the summer, got to see Les Mis while there was a performance in SF, and was unexpectedly enlisted to help another friend practice for their driving test. All a great time, but maybe I'll get some more time this week to tend to some personal hobbies and projects.

Apparently my lungs are especially healthy for someone my age/demographic.