this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2024
101 points (85.3% liked)

Asklemmy

43397 readers
1144 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Up until I started working, I didn't really encounter that question. When I did start working, people started asking me that question.

Them: Where are you from?

Me: Canada.

Them: Where are your grandparents from?

Me: Canada.

Them: Ok, where are your great grandparents from?

Me: Canada.

It's irritating sometimes. I just want to exist, do my job and go home, like anyone else. Once is ok, twice is odd, three times is weird, and the fourth time is a pattern.

The only accent that I might have would probably be from Newfoundland, Canada, as I grew up with a lot of people from there. I also talk too fast sometimes.

Have you had similar experiences, and if so, how did you handle it? Can fast speech patterns cause this? Why do random people care so much?

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] yenahmik@lemmy.world 89 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Asking where you are from is pretty normal conversation, especially if you have a noticeable accent. Asking where your parents/grandparents/etc are from is less common. Are you by chance not-white? Sometimes these sorts of questions have a race element to them

[–] PP_BOY_@lemmy.world 37 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, asking where someone's from is completely normal but asking where their parents/family is from automatically sets off some racism red flags

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Shampoo_Bottle@lemmy.ca 22 points 8 months ago (3 children)

I think I look pretty white, tbh

[–] ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de 18 points 8 months ago

Well you either look or sound funny/different. I'd say since you get asked about grandparents etc it's not sound, so you don't look local Canadian.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] fubarx@lemmy.ml 74 points 8 months ago (3 children)

This is often a proxy for a different question.

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 36 points 8 months ago (1 children)

And that question is "why isn't your skin the same colour as mine?"

[–] phanto@lemmy.ca 10 points 8 months ago (3 children)

Well, if he's from Canada (as I am, no hate!), the answer is "We get like 4 hours of sunlight per day here." I wear shades to block the glare of my own reflection in the snow.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] chicagohuman@lemm.ee 11 points 8 months ago

It's also a form of othering. You are different and they are establishing why

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] nutsack@lemmy.world 51 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (3 children)

they're trying to figure out your race or whatever

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 8 months ago (3 children)

He says in another comment that he's a white newfie, so, doubtful, unless he now lives in like, Kolkata. More likely, he has a slight accent or is just upset about small talk.

As a white guy myself, ~~white~~ all kinds of people constantly ask things like "where you from," in the same cadence of "nice weather we're having, huh?" It's a part of getting to know people, what's your name, where you from, what kind of music you into, etc. I don't think they're trying to find out if I am originally of Saxon or Angle stock, I think they're just trying to make small talk.

[–] tyrefyre@sh.itjust.works 20 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I would agree with you in when they ask where you’re from. Once they start asking where your parents and grandparents are from they’re trying to figure out your race. I also agree with you as a white guy I don’t usually get extra probing but there are a few, mostly older, that are trying to figure out what specific type of white. It occasionally ends with a comment about how some group isn’t really white even though they have light skin.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] kent_eh@lemmy.ca 10 points 8 months ago

That's exactly what it is.

Light haired white people don't generally recieve this type of question.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] AlternateRoute@lemmy.ca 42 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Sounds like the correct answer to the question is Newfoundland, if it isn’t the accent it is probably some regional colloquialisms.

When someone asks me where I am from I normally say the city / province. I would never answer Canada while I was in Canada having the conversation.

[–] Crashumbc@lemmy.world 8 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Exactly, that's just a weird non social answer

[–] nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 8 months ago

Also some Newfies I’ve met have an odd mix of Irish/Scottish/Canadian accent that really threw me the first time I heard it.

I’m not from Canada (but within 1/2 day drive or less my whole life), but I think if the first answer I got was Canada, the next question I might ask would be what part/province?

[–] Thalion@lemmy.ca 42 points 8 months ago (1 children)

They're either making conversation or racist, depending on context. Answering the country you're from if you're currently in that country is pretty odd.

[–] stembolts@programming.dev 23 points 8 months ago (4 children)

But that is the answer to the question. I'm not understanding the alternative. If the person wants to ask, "What race are you?" They should ask using those words.

I can't recall a time ever needing to know anyone's race. So I've never asked this question in 50 years, but perhaps one day? Idk, seems like a potentially insensitive question.

[–] rbn@feddit.ch 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I don't think being interested in the (ancestors') race of a co-worker is necessary racist. I worked with people with all kinds of cultural backgrounds and it might be just an interesting topic to talk about. If someone has family in Iran, Senegal or Indonesia that's definitely more interesting to me than a conversation about weather or last night's football game.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Thalion@lemmy.ca 5 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Personally when someone asks me where I'm from, I respond in order of:

A) if I'm in my home city, I tell them the province I grew up in (because I came from a small town I would never expect anyone to know, if it was a big city I'd say that.)

B) If I'm away from my home city in my home province, I tell them my home city.

C) if I'm away from my home province, I tell them my home province.

D) if I'm away from Canada I'll tell them I'm from Canada

E) if based on context it seems they're asking about my ethnic background, I tell them I'm some kind of western/northern European mutt.

Now obviously I'm white as hell and no accent, but OP is saying they're basically that as well, so I'm not sure why race would be the assumption for them either. I don't even know how I would respond if i asked someone at work where they're from and they answered Canada.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Zealous@lemmy.world 29 points 8 months ago (2 children)

As a mixed third generation immigrant, I get this a lot. In my experience, most people want to know my ethnicity, but for some reason they never ask me that directly.

[–] GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 12 points 8 months ago

Yeah but that’s a somewhat sensitive topic. Asking for the region of origin might mean the same thing in practice, but asking someone what "breed" they are is very inappropriate.

[–] richieadler@lemmy.myserv.one 5 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Because it's none of their business and it's a tad racist, and they know racism is bad but they don't want to look as bad people.

[–] eezeebee@lemmy.ca 6 points 8 months ago (2 children)

It's not racist to ask about ethnicity.

It would be racist to ask about ethnicity and then discriminate based on the response.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] calypsopub@lemmy.world 28 points 8 months ago (3 children)

So are you autistic? Because the literal-mindedness of your answers and the lack of awareness of how to engage in small talk is telling. I say this as one on the spectrum myself; it took me a long time to understand this is just an attempt to establish social connections by finding points of commonality. "Oh, you're from Calgary? I used to live there, too! Did you know a store called Myth Games?" Neurotypical people are also waiting for you to ask the same things in return and often feel miffed if you don't show any curiosity about them.

[–] monsterpiece42@reddthat.com 6 points 8 months ago (3 children)

Also autistic. I had the same thought about OP.

Before building my mask I was very similar (and probably pissed a lot of NTs off too lol).

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] eatthecake@lemmy.world 26 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I'm a white Australian and I get asked this all the time. Mostly they're just trying to make conversation and since most people at work are migrants it's a natural conversation starter. Sometimes they are looking to remind me that the only real Australians are the indigenous peoples and I am, therefore, British. This what you get labelled if you say your background is English/Irish lol. My favourite was being called British by a mixed German/Brazilian who insisted he was Spanish.

In countries with a lot of immigration and diversity I think it's natural for people to talk about this. I like hearing about what life was like for people in Tibet, or Myanmar, Eritrea, Cook Islands etc. I don't think it carries the same level of racist connotations as it used to. How are we supposed to have cultural exchange if we can't talk about our backgrounds?___

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] lamabop@lemmings.world 16 points 8 months ago

Yea but where are u from?

[–] Crashumbc@lemmy.world 16 points 8 months ago (1 children)

It's just a standard office getting to know you small talk thing. You'll get used to it.

FYI, they were looking for you to actually talk and engage with them, not a one word answer. Tell them what part of Canada, that your family was part of the Canada-US wars and locked the US's. And most importantly, ask them something in return...

[–] tja@sh.itjust.works 19 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Skating it once might be standard. But asking where the grandparents are from is kind of strange

[–] Crashumbc@lemmy.world 10 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Maybe, but they were probably thrown off or annoyed by his weird one word answer. Replying "Canada" when you're in Canada is just strange.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] MrFunnyMoustache@lemmy.ml 16 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] PipedLinkBot@feddit.rocks 7 points 8 months ago

Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

https://www.piped.video/watch?v=UGvEBWJ0_-k

Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.

[–] Omega_Haxors@lemmy.ml 12 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

After the second time you should just respond "don't overthink it"

[–] mkwt@lemmy.world 11 points 8 months ago

I have a long time friend who complains about this kind of behavior. Friend is a Creek Indian living in the Muskogee Creek Nation in Oklahoma. That's about as native-born and indigenous as you can get.

Unfortunately, her skin is somewhat less than lily-white, and that just seems to bring out the dumbasses.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.mindoki.com 11 points 8 months ago

I'm swedish and living in France and I get that question a lot (but not about my parents/grandparents wtf?)

If cute girl: you have to guess! Then get very fake outraged if she says Germany etc. Friendly banter ensues.

Otherwise it's just people who want to chit chat with you so just roll with it and expect the classic jokes (for me it's IKEA, Volvo, surstrΓΆmming...).

[–] SVcross@lemmy.world 10 points 8 months ago (3 children)

So, Sam, where are you from?

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] davel@lemmy.ml 9 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Why are you asking us instead of them? Surely they would know.

[–] ULS@lemmy.ml 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Oh

"Wait, where am I now!? Where are we!?"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca 8 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I was created within the bounds of the milky way galaxy.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Anyone who’s asked you four times where you’re from is not paying attention.

[–] MufinMcFlufin@lemmy.world 12 points 8 months ago

I would imagine they're trying to ask what someone's ethnicity is but forgot the word for it.

[–] idiomaddict@feddit.de 6 points 8 months ago

Newfoundland has a very particular accent, do you speak with a strong accent?

[–] Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world 6 points 8 months ago (3 children)

Where are your great great grandparents from?

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] shinigamiookamiryuu@lemm.ee 5 points 8 months ago (6 children)

I have a classic NZ voice as well as a tan and get asked this often because I'm in the most Caucasian place outside of Europe (I'll let you guess). Half the time they don't even assume where I'm from because they don't have enough education about the world to hold any stereotypes about me (which makes them draw a blank about countries), which ironically gives me the freedom to respond however I want.

load more comments (6 replies)
load more comments
view more: next β€Ί