this post was submitted on 11 Dec 2023
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 105 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Why don't they have Wi-Fi in Church?

!They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually does something!<

[–] OrteilGenou@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

The power of zing compels you

[–] TheAuthor_13@lemm.ee 76 points 11 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (2 children)

Except Panera’s not even in the same league when it comes to completely unnecessary deaths… religion/ church has millennia & millions up on Panera.

Edit: Panera also has far less sweaty-palmed, Father Feelgood kiddie-diddling accusations as well.

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[–] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 40 points 11 months ago

You know what? That death lemonade isnt going to rape your kid so it is still better than church.

[–] TheJims@lemmy.world 39 points 11 months ago

Ok but I’m still not going to church

[–] cosmicrose@lemmy.world 38 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I get a tasty lemonade, AND I get to die??? Sign me up!!

[–] Cqrd@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

I haven't tried it, but I heard it's not actually that great. Though that one person who died had three of them, so what do I know

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[–] fl42v@lemmy.ml 9 points 11 months ago

Well, you get to die anyways, so that's lemonade && 1 = lemonade

[–] Erasmus@lemmy.world 36 points 11 months ago (3 children)

How many people have died because of organized religion vs. Panera charged lemonade.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 10 points 11 months ago

The entire world+ vs like, 3?

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[–] LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.one 32 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (26 children)

Hi there, just dropping in to say that caffeine is more dangerous than cannabis

flies away

Edit:

Anti-weed Puritans trying to find ways weed is actually harmful

Harry J. Anslinger looking up from hell

[–] xintrik@lemm.ee 21 points 11 months ago

Meth is more dangerous than caffeine

shoots away

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[–] jaschen@lemm.ee 31 points 11 months ago (1 children)

To be fair, the church had killed more people than literally anything.

[–] Skipper_the_Eyechild@lemmings.world 18 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Mosquitoes would probably beat them, but they've had a hefty head start. The church are aware of this, of course, which is why they double down on the paedophilia to catch up.

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[–] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 30 points 11 months ago (3 children)

I don't blame people for not going to church. They don't even give you wine anymore, just grape juice. Jesus drank wine, why can't I?

[–] Baphomet_The_Blasphemer@lemmy.world 14 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I thought Jesus was wine or something like that? I've never participated in Christianity's cannibalistic rituals though, so I'm sure I'm a bit confused.

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 12 points 11 months ago

the wine only becomes Jesus' blood in your tummy unless you have an operation or autopsy then it turns back into wine just in the nick of time, apparently.

[–] HowdWeGetHereAnyways@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

It's only cannibalism if you believe you are the same as God.

Arise, God-drinkers.

[–] 0ops@lemm.ee 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

For mormons it's just water :(

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Mormons had to mix mayonnaise into their ketchup when it first got introduced to Utah, because ketchup was too spicy. Mormons are bitches.

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[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 29 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] Wogi@lemmy.world 29 points 11 months ago (1 children)

No no, let's hear the lemonade out

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 14 points 11 months ago (5 children)

Okay, but if Panera starts playing bad rock songs in praise of their lemonade, I'm leaving.

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 7 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Its more likely than you think. Waffle house has a music label.

[–] sulgoth@lemmy.world 6 points 11 months ago

What if it's a banger? Coke seems to keep doing it so it's not outside the realm of possibility

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[–] norgur@discuss.tchncs.de 24 points 11 months ago

So I either have to die from needlessly over caffeinated soft drinks or deliver my own son to a molestation orgy club? What fucked up kind of choice is that?!

[–] Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 21 points 11 months ago (1 children)

To be fair though, church is many times more deadly and 0% delicious 🤷

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[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 18 points 11 months ago

Fuck knows what church has got to do with anything.

[–] byroon@lemmy.world 16 points 11 months ago

I must be out of the loop. What's church?

[–] Steve@startrek.website 14 points 11 months ago

Random caffeine overdoses are preferable to repeated genocide…

[–] Socsa@sh.itjust.works 14 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Don't threaten me with a good time Panera

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[–] ComicalMayhem@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago (2 children)
[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 28 points 11 months ago (18 children)

Panera has been selling some sort of lemonade with a ton of caffeine, and there have been a couple of news stories recently about it killing people.

It sounds like people aren't aware that "charged lemonade" has caffeine at all when they order it. Or maybe they realize it but aren't expecting 260-390mg.

[–] rug_burn@sh.itjust.works 22 points 11 months ago

Holy fuck where has this lemonade been my whole life???!?!?!

If you never see me post again, tell my mom I loved her!

[–] WashedOver@lemmy.ca 13 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Fck. That seems like it's way more than your typical energy drink that's off the charts too.

I would love to know how that product development meeting went. "Hey people, we have this idea, think lemonade and coffee, but like 10 cups of coffee in a single lemonade.

It's like being kicked in the chest by a horse. It could kill some people and open us up to litigation, but man are the sales going to be way up there too!"

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[–] Zoidsberg@lemmy.ca 10 points 11 months ago

For context, the energy drink sitting next to me has 160mg of caffeine.

[–] RTRedreovic@feddit.ch 8 points 11 months ago (2 children)

For anyone concerned about their beverages. Following is a table of Recommended maximum daily intake of caffeine according to different age groups & categories: https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/food-nutrition/food-safety/food-additives/caffeine-foods.html

FDA's recommendations: https://www.fda.gov/consumers/consumer-updates/spilling-beans-how-much-caffeine-too-much

For measure: 8 oz (227 g) of Coffee has 80-100 mg of caffeine or 35-45 mg of Caffeine per 100 g of Coffee. (Average, numbers may vary accordingly.)

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[–] Pyr_Pressure@lemmy.ca 6 points 11 months ago (11 children)

I think at least one case where a death occured they had like 3 or 4 of them

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[–] rug_burn@sh.itjust.works 7 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Reminds me of this, and why you can't easily get powdered caffeine anymore;

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/powdered-caffeine-death-fda-legal-action/

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I'LL TAKE 5

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