this post was submitted on 09 Dec 2023
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internet funeral

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[–] MuhammadJesusGaySex@lemmy.world 117 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

This reminds me of that old story. One, I have tried to live by.

There was an old man with a huge watermelon patch. Every day a group of kids would come over and steal a single watermelon. The old man was furious about the kids stealing his watermelons and devised a plan. He went out and posted a sign in his patch that said “One of these watermelons is poison. KEEP OUT!”

So, a day goes by, and no stolen watermelon. A week goes by no missing watermelons. The old man is just so pleased with himself and his success. But, then he wakes up after about a week and a half and goes to pick some watermelons, and notices that someone has put a smaller sign next to his. He walks over and the smaller sign simply says “Now there’s two”.

[–] BobGnarley@lemm.ee 31 points 11 months ago

Great joke and great username

[–] captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 22 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I remember my freshman year of summer marching band practice, we were rained out and so we all gathered in the band room to practice music, and for some reason the band director decided to tell this joke, but the rain kept getting louder and louder.

[–] thedaylights@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

That's a powerful image. As though it had been a dream.

[–] saltnotsugar@lemm.ee 54 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Rat Piss Man - Origins, coming this summer.

[–] WaxedWookie@lemmy.world 15 points 11 months ago (1 children)

But we already know Fred Trump was a shitty father that left Donald a pile of money and a desperate need for validation...

[–] kamenlady@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

What we don't know, is the involvement of Erol Musk, a much more shitty father, in this and how it led to Donald being named Donald in the first place...

[–] WaxedWookie@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

I suppose with Trump's that natural, effortless shitbaggery that just seems like breathing for him, I shouldn't be at all surprised he comes from a long line of shitbags.

[–] peetabix@lemmy.world 35 points 11 months ago

Watch yo defamity.

[–] Aielman15@lemmy.world 33 points 11 months ago (1 children)

So, what biology project was it? What were they trying to prove?

[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 32 points 11 months ago

How much rat urine you can inject into a watermelon before people notice.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 14 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'm sorry, is that supposed to convince me not to eat the watermelon?

[–] get_the_reference_@midwest.social 3 points 11 months ago

I'm convinced that this is the Shredder origin story.

[–] southernbrewer@lemmy.world 11 points 11 months ago

I read this in Cave Johnson's voice.

[–] finkrat@lemmy.world 7 points 11 months ago

Probably facilities cleaning up the food lol, bet it's in the trash

[–] subignition@kbin.social 1 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 1 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] get_the_reference_@midwest.social 1 points 11 months ago

And the worse my eyes get, the more fun reading becomes!