Asklemmy

I fell off the bed and got a nasty hit on my head against the bedside table. Thanks, I guess?

I no longer have a cat laying on my back.

I fall 2 feet onto my bed. I'm lying on my right side, browsing Lemmy from a tablet right now.

I fall off the couch.

My upper body has fused with an ICEE machine.

Shittin in the shower

I would be in the other chair.

Damnmit. I asked that kid to clean off this coffee table and now there's a pepper grinder, a bag of terrible candy, three remote controls, and some crushed fortune cookies, all under my back.

Depends Is that like 4 school buses or more like half a pen?

My head would hit a metal chair.

I sit on the floor, despite a chair being there.

I I am now sitting on nothing in the walkway through my living room. I fall on my butt on the carpet, severely swear, and then try for a bit to figure out what the hell just happened.

Death

I’m now peeing on the floor in the hallway

I am now sitting on the roof of my house. Is a bit damp, but could be worse.

Im sat on a turd

I'm probably partially inside a dishwasher now and now we have to wait forever for the apartment managers to replace it and the counter.

AKA my life becomes slightly harder as now I have the first world problem of having to manually wash and dry dishes by hand.

In sitting under my telescope