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Check on your male friends to see if they need help (slrpnk.net)

submitted 11 months ago by spaduf@slrpnk.net to c/curatedtumblr@sh.itjust.works

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[–] pigup@lemmy.world 42 points 11 months ago (2 children)

My wife went through IVF, pregnancy and birth, our kid was in NICU with serious issue. Through IVF, the entire pregnancy birth and NICU stay, I was treated like a second class citizen. I went to every IVF, OB appointment and every other appointment. my wife was treated like the grand center of attention which is great, but I did feel the pressure to keep my mouth shut and essentially not be part of any discussion. I suppose a lot of deadbeat men and absent fathers have ruined it for men who actually show up for their wives and their families. Tough shit for me right.

[–] Nouveau_Burnswick@lemmy.world 20 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

I feel you.

My wife doesn't get extra parental (just the provincial 70/55%), I get topped up to 93%. Combined with other factors, it was pretty easy math that I'd get the lion's share of the shared weeks.

I get berated for it a lot. One nurse wouldn't see my kid until I she called my wife and confirmed she wasn't coming to the appointment.

It's really annoying constantly explaining that I am capable of being a caregiver to my child, that I don't miss working, and that I don't feel like I'm ruining my wife's chance to bond with our kid.

Haters can suck on my excellent fathering skills.

[–] cynar@lemmy.world 29 points 11 months ago (1 children)

This is a good example of the glass floor. Women get support, men are expected to either deal, or disappear. Gender inequality won't be dealt with until its fixed on both sides. The glass ceiling is going for women, but we still need to build a glass floor for men too.

Things are improving, but slowly.

[–] squirmy_wormy@lemmy.world 25 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'm pretty sure that's not the glass floor. The glass floor is what prevents certain people from falling too far down on a socioeconomic ladder, just as the glass ceiling prevents some from ascending.

[–] Scubus@sh.itjust.works 9 points 11 months ago

It was a good effort though, and it's the thought that counts brotha

[–] FancyManacles@lemmy.world 19 points 11 months ago

When my dad died my wife, myself, and our two boys, moved in with my mom because she has no idea how to take care of normal life stuff. My brother lives in the same property as her and couldn't be bothered to check in on her because he was, understandably, distraught. For two years of living there my mom leaned on me but only ever asked me once how I was doing, my wife only ever complained about living there and never asked how I was doing, yet insisted we should stay if I suggested leaving. I have three super close friends, and I don't think I would have made it without them.

Check in on your friends, even when they're not going through something traumatic, because you may be the only one who does.

[–] MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works 5 points 11 months ago

I hope she's doing ok.