ADHD

I don’t like to call it hyperfocus because of this narrative that it is a “superpower”. It is still inappropriate focus. Barkley calls it “perseveration”, which seems more accurate to me. Yes I can get things done, but at the cost of an inability to observe time and by causing me to forget everything else, including food.

Medication has been wonderful but it isn’t perfect, and I find that it takes work for me not to overcorrect and lapse into too deep a state of focus.

As for exhaustion, I used to get that when I was undermedicated. At the appropriate dose, I’m fine. My “natural” state of perseveration of focus usually comes with much larger baggage (eg. blind panic at a looming deadline) so it’s hard to ascribe the exhaustion to the act of focusing.

I forget to eat all the time due to hyper focusing. I'll hyperfocus on an activity as a way to avoid doing a chore, and then the chore never gets done. I'll start hyper focusing at 8pm and next time I look at the clock it's 3am. It absolutely has drawbacks. The best way to get out of it (for me, at least) is to set an alarm (if I can remember).

It feels like the activity is partaking of me rather than the reverse

Thanks for giving me these words to describe the feeling so well. I don't feel interested and passionate... I feel consumed and dominated.

Now that I think about it, lots of words that describe focus have etymologies that feel appropriately sinister. Captivated, enthralled, enraptured, fascinated, bewitched, mesmerized, hooked - all related to being controlled against your will.