No Stupid Questions

You seem to not be enjoying your current situation anyway so I'd vote for a change. We are all very small fish in a big sea when it comes to changing states whereas you can make a big change in your own life.

This is something that I think about often. There is an argument that progressives should try to stay and change things for the better where they are. I think to some extent, though, that only works if everyone is operating in good faith. The government there is essentially conducting a full assault on any progressive measures. Just recently, Texas passed a law that automatically overrules any city ordinances that they dont like. More progressive cities like Austin can try to pass laws to protect tenants or workers, but it won't do anything. It's hard to make a positive impact in those circumstances. You also have to balance out the fact that by living there X% of your paycheck will go to that govt via property/sales tax.

On the other hand, where do you move to? There are lots of communities with skyrocketing real estate prices that they blame on remote workers (not sure how legitimate that is), so people are getting priced out of the communities they've been in for ages.

In the end, I think it's impossible to make a complete moral determination either way. The only thing you can do is just try your best at whatever you do. Whatever you do, I'd definitely recommend trying to build a community wherever you are. You might not be able to get the local laws around you to reflect your values, but you can do your best to help those around you.

You can only choose what's right for you. I've often said that if I was able to work remotely with a high paying job that I would buy a big house in a small town.

There's plenty of things going on in Texas that affect everyone. The biggest one in my opinion is the horrible electric grid and refusal to connect to the rest of the nation.

Gotta go with what works for you. But as a fellow cishet middle-aged white engineer, you could not pay me enough money for me to want to move to Texas. Or Florida. Or most of the middle of the country. If I were in your shoes, I'd be out as soon as I had the means to leave.

I just moved from NC to the Pacific Northwest for very similar reasons. Remote work in tech and no close family ties back in NC. My partner and I moved here a few months ago and while the cost of living is definitely an adjustment, it has been a positive change in every other way. The weather is great and the people are wonderful. I no longer get nervous or anxious going out in public. I actually enjoy restaurants and farmers markets here. You only get one life. Be happy.

Since you have the means and nothing to tie you down, I'd say go for it. It would be interesting to try living somewhere different. You only have so many years to experience life. Any sort of rural area further North should still be affordable and be kinder to your vegetable garden.

agree with what everyone else has said here. worry less about "should" and go find your tribe wherever it may be.

as i once said to a friend who contemplated the same kind of move years ago, if it doesn't work out you can always move back. not like it's a one way street.

Try a Midwest swing state! I live in a backwoods town in PA, and although there's not much of a chance of a Dem winning a local election, we have enough major cities to keep fascism out of the State law.

I might be very wrong, but I wouldn't be against Texas and Florida leaving and starting their own countries. Let all the boot licking racists go live happily together far away from me.

The states are not liberal or conservative, it's the fraction of rural/suburban to urban areas. It's extremely rare to find a left leaning rural population and similarly difficult to find a very right urban one. Find a place that suites you, but keep in mind your hood's politics will largely be controlled by population density https://engaging-data.com/election-population-density/

If you have to ask, it might be best if you move. But you'd most likely fall into the same habits and become isolated again. Have you tried joining a club or something?

I made the move 15 years ago.

I'm certainly glad to be in a society that isn't hostile to females, LGBTQ, etc.

Does it affect my day-to-day? Eh, probably not. I certainly could live in a regressive state without any personal risk or penalty.

I left Texas many years ago and you couldn't pay me enough to move back. Get out. Go experience other communities, cultures, and locations. Go somewhere where any future romantic partners have actual human rights and healthcare. Go somewhere that doesn't have a state flag as part of its identity. It will be an adjustment, but change can be good.

Honestly in all this it's easy to forget about the simple things. Does living where you are make you happy? Florida is likely imploding at present as the draconian laws being dredged out are going to cause issues. Notible ones. Republicans are basically cutting off their own noses to spite their face to make their supposed utopia and the logistical problems are mounting meaning a greater degree of cognitive dissonance will be required to maintain enthusiasm.

There are people who are having to flee because they can't be healthy there. You are not an exception to this. If you can't be healthy where you are then being beholden to the gridlock of politics is affecting you in a way that is not ethical. Yes, we trans folks and people affected by abortion bans need allies. But we can't fault people for their choices to leave because they are unhappy for the same reasons we are.

Epicurean ethics run the trans movement. At it's core is this set of principles : you, like every other living thing are in the right to seek the circumstances under which you best flourish. Minimizing the pain experienced, your own and that of others is ethical. Avoiding pain is not an unethical choice.

Whether it's denying their government tax revenue or staying so you can lend your voice to the movements you believe in it all might come out in the wash in the broader sense of politics - but you also deserve kindness.

One of the reasons red states are so shitty is the people that disagree with Republicans keep leaving, so republicans keep winning elections.

I'm progressive but live in a red state, I might not live long enough to see shit get better, but if I leave...

It's going to take even longer and fuck over people who can't leave.

So I'm staying put.

i’m not you, but i can only recommend you to get out. As far away from the fascists as possible.

I moved from Texas to California.

While I wish I'd done it with better financial timing, it worked out and I'm glad I'm here. Hell, it sounds like your skills are a good fit for certain places, too.

If it suits you, find a place where outdoors is a place you can enjoy almost every day of the year. They aren't as rare as Texas makes it seem.

Edit: food -> good

Red state doesn't necessarily matter, find a purple state or a purple district where you and a few like minded people can potentially flip a district. I moved to a perpetually 51/49 district, I did get involved a bit in local politics to help spread the word (mostly stopped during COVID). Within a few years, we flipped the district blue for the first time in like 15-20 years.

Sounds like you're ready for a change.

I encourage you to focus more on where you're moving to, then where you're moving from.

This is a chance to choose a community that supports your hobbies and interests.

As others mentioned, it also makes sense to consider the impact of local policies and amenities on both yourself and your future friends or lovers. Life can be simpler if you already live in a place that supports whoever you may end up building a life with later.

I'm like you, 50s, middle class software developer, WFH, never will vote conservatives. I'm already in a right place (Québec). Yeeeeaaaaarrrssss ago I wanted to move to the USA of course, opportunities, money, freedom, etc, then I saw what was going on south of my border and decided to stay in Canada, it was a good non move.

If I were at your place in life, I would definitively move, especially because Texas. Moving to Canada maybe be complicated, to legally work here (and don't go to alberta, the north texas), but maybe try New England? Boston for instance. If you prefer smaller city maybe Burlington? I don't know west coast enough now, but Seattle was in my plan years ago, but now I'm not sure it's the right place...

I'm right there with you in almost an identical situation only in Florida. Honestly though it doesn't suck here nearly as much as Reddit and the media want you to believe. At least not for people like us anyway...

At the end of the day I try to ignore all the macroscopic issues that I have no control over. There's a few things missing from my life here that are not missing elsewhere, so I'm 99% going to move soon.

I don't mean this in a selfish way but I think the best thing to do is whatever is best for you regardless of all the white noise around you.

I'm in a similar situation to you. I feel that staying here and voting blue is better for helping than leaving to a blue state.

With the huge influx of people moving here from elsewhere (especially California), I really thought we had a chance to start tipping blue, but unfortunately it seems like no one that has a liberal mindset is interested in voting, at least in my area. Our voter turnout in my area is just abysmal. So despite living in a very blue city. Everything I voted for this last midterm election lost. Even things specific to my county.

Yes, moving from FL to DC has been a huge change in terms of the people I meet and the culture. Would definitely recommend

I was in the middle of biker nazi desert town building expensive homes for rich people and yes, it was time to go once covid set in and their families started moving back and spreading their nazi propaganda at the local small destination town businesses. The weather is destroyed. We lost out monsoon 5 years ago. The weirdos in AZ jumping the border to cause trouble in CA has been annoying. The Republican representatives cater to racists and have been trying to switch leadership without elections. I shit you not.

Get out now because I assure you it is not getting better.

Heat waves, droughts and extreme water events. If this is already a problem where you live, I would move. I need my garden. I need the world around me to be green and not burn me to a crisp or my quality of life is gone. I need my state to do what is possible to keep it green and cool and Texas does not have the best record in doing that.

For a 'hermit' person, finding a closer community could also be a very good thing. Do it when you are young. It's much harder if you're like me, approaching your 60s. The older we get, the harder it is to make big changes. I just made one because I know I'm going to stay single, but I don't want to be a lonely old person. I like solitude, but only if it is a choice, and where I live now I have a close-knit community when I need company and space to myself. I am happy with the change, but getting used to a new place takes a lot of time now and it is a bit scary how hard it is on me compared to even bigger changes I made when I was 30.

Blue states also need people to defend democracy. You can be a pillar of democracy anywhere in the US, and keeping democracy up will keep the red states from going completely crazy.

Whatever your decision will be, I wish you the best!

I’m in the same boat in Texas right now. Want to move to a more liberal state, and have several friends who already have.

The reason I stay is every person like me who leaves makes Texas more red. And often times, a liberal Texan is a conservative Californian/Coloradan/Canadian, so moving to one of those place will also move them to the right, so both places shift red.

Case in point. I have a friend who moved from NYC to Dallas because NY was too liberal and their conservative votes didn’t count there. They lasted 6 months before deciding to vote democrat in Texas, because red here is further right than they are comfortable with, so their move made NYC and Dallas more liberal.

yes, it's the definition of privilege since most don't have that privilege and i've recently become a member to that privileged class (for now atleast); which is how i can recognize it.

i also do software and i was in austin and left a couple of weeks ago because i'm not cishet nor white but still experienced enough bigotry (especially from gay texans) that it was impacting my psyche, so i had to leave and i feel sorry for whomever is like me but is stuck there because of something as silly as not having the opportunity to do software.

They pax taxes in a red state. They spend most of their time in better places.

Honestly, it seems to me that you have all but decided to move and the only thing holding you back is fear of change.

Man, if I were in your position, I'd downsize my belongings and become a digital nomad and I wouldn't limit myself to the US. Spain, for example, has a newish digital nomad visa that you can get for a year, renewable for three (I think), and it's not really any more expensive to live there than a typical Midwestern city. Even cheaper in some areas of the country. If I didn't have a family, I would move there in a heartbeat, at least for awhile.

There's a lot to see and experience in the US too, though, so if you aren't feeling adventurous enough to live outside the country, you might look at Minnesota. Duluth, just as an example, is about the same cost of living as Dallas and today's high there is 69 (giggity) vs 106 in Dallas. I haven't been to MN yet, but I'm planning a huge road trip for next summer and northern MN looks gorgeous.

The world is your oyster, my friend.

Isolation sucks and (political) alienation does too. I wouldn't give too much about party politics, but supporting women and queers is a nice cause.

I guess you're not the only one contemplating similar steps - given your class background I'd argue that it's part of a brain drain of so called 'red states' ('The South' isn't enough anymore). Political stability is part of QOL, but once intentionally disturbed there might be a feedback loop of brain drain, QOL decrease and political instability (because it sure isn't safe for many).

I think you also have at least some moving experience...

If you think living somewhere else will make you happier, you should do it as long as it doesn't screw you over financially. Even if you're probably not at risk of persecution as a white male, I can fully understand not wanting to live in a christofascist hellscape. If you have friends in a more desirable area I'd consider moving there.

I never understood why anyone would want to live in Texas. Just seems like a bunch of insecure rednecks who is afraid of anything that isn't a straight white family . I know not everyone one there is but it does seem like the people in power feel that way

You sound like me. I'm diagnosed autistic (mildly), I'm a software engineer, I'm introverted, I'm definitely liberal leaning, and...I live in Oregon.

For now, I love it here (except Portland proper). So many great restaurants, bars, breweries, wineries, and a crap ton of trails and other parks and sights and sounds.

I live semi-rural and half the businesses here have pride flags and BLM signage. I'm non-white, but don't feel unsafe walking around where I am at night. My tech contract jobs are remote and I make more than enough to live comfortably.

It rains a lot here... though less so these days it seems. It's weird how many 100+ degree days we get now, but it's still a lot less than other people I know.

I'm rambling. If you want to know more, just ask.

If you don't like it, leave! That said, if you're worried you're too "online" as you said, you probably should also look for opinions from people not online.

I'm in a similar situation in Florida. Florida is where I've spent my whole life and the natural beauty of the state is incredible. However the government here is insane. They attack liberals at every chance, and are rewriting education to fit a disneyfied history. My wife and I are currently looking to get out. Change here seems hopeless between gerrymandering, and the massive influx of red voting retirees. Michigan sounds amazing to me except for the winters. We've discussed Colorado , but it's pretty expensive, and the water management in the west is worrisome. We're just on the lookout for what fits us. The only thing that's certain is that we aren't long for Florida. I am forced from my home by retirees and insane politicians.