Wait, is that not ‘normal’?
this post was submitted on 05 Oct 2023
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I mean everyone talks about conscious and subconscious, i think we're just waaaaaaaaay more aware of this and we know more precisely where the conscious ends and the subconscious begins.
The average allistic person just has no reason to think much about it, the two systems work in lockstep such that it never affects them, but for neurodivergent people we regularly have to deal with the subconscious stuff not doing what we want it to, and either just deal with it or take over the reigns and do it ourselves which is extremely exhausting.
I guess you could compare it to flying an airplane: when everything works smoothly the computer systems do a lot of the work for the pilot and they focus on the radio and the conditions outside, but if the systems go offline or don't work as expected suddenly the pilots have to do things manually and work around the weirdness and that makes the job very stressful and tends to lead to mistakes.
I'd describe it that way with my ADHD. My subconscious is literally overriding my conscious in real-time. I'll be in deep decision paralysis while the thoughts of the consequences of not doing the thing at all become too stressful, then I'll hyperfocus and cram as much work as humanly possible in a very unhealthy period of time. The guilt also tends to build up, but I just can't get started without something tangible to scare me up. I called it anxiety-based productivity before knowing what it was lol. It's a really vicious loop too, cause I got away with it too often as I grew up (the ADHD-PI/somewhat gifted combo that often falls through the cracks).
Sort of. Everyone has intrusive thoughts, but neurodivergent (ND) people have a harder time controlling them. This is also why ND people rarely have luck with typical CBT therapists unless the therapist is experienced with neurodivergence and can suitably adapt to ND thinking styles.
May actually be. Personally ADHD makes it very hard for me to control my actions during the day so I find the post really relatable because the brain basically barely listens to me. If more people without some kind of neurodivergence (or depressions etc.) say that this is totally normal then I may delete the post. There's also this "neurodivergent" term used instead of "ADHD" making it too broad because there's a lot of different neurodivergences.
I mean that is sometimes what it feels like. Like there is a second entity that constantly whants something else than I do. When I explained to my wife how this feels I even gave it a voice so she could understand that there is something inside of me that constantly wants something. It is concious logical thought vs strong feelings.
My favourite explaination is how habbits don't stick because whenever I have to do an uncomfortable task I have to do it is like there is a toddler having a temper tantrum inside of me when I do it. I can ignore it a couple times but it gets harder every time and when I give in all me strength is gone and I can't do it for a while.
My favourite explaination is how habbits don’t stick because whenever I have to do an uncomfortable task I have to do it is like there is a toddler having a temper tantrum inside of me when I do it. I can ignore it a couple times but it gets harder every time and when I give in all me strength is gone and I can’t do it for a while.
that reminds me of this ted talk
Stupid monkey
I look at it like my consciousness is a program running in the foreground of the operating system, i can modify a lot of things especially if i look up the documentation but i can't alter the hardware or really low level software.
So e.g. when i really notice my attention deficiency that feels very much like the OS needs to run some background program for maintenance which takes up a bunch of RAM, leaving a lot less for me to work with and thus i discard information much more readily so that there's room for anything judged to be particularly important, and when i'm occupied with that there's simply no room left of anything else.
Why is teams always running?!
And someoNE LEFT THEIR MIKE ON
Mic not Mike I feel like death
Yep- MIC as in microphone.
HEAVY BREATHING
Collecting data
This is an awesome way to describe adhd! Our brains really are computers after all
It's endlessly vexing that there's only one first person form in English, or any other language I know of. There's my body, my conscious experience, my thoughts, my persona, my emotions, my volition, and none of them consistently play nice with each other. And I have to describe this mess with 'I' and 'my' and 'self' and somehow come out with a coherent sentence?
Disco Elysium be like:
All you, baby.
All is one
One is all
This is so wise
I don't have "intrusive thoughts", I have a little Dick Cheney that lives in my brain. It's Brain Cheney saying all that horrible shit.
Look, in my defense my brain is a fucking prick
When I read this my brain immediately said "I am!" Sounded indignant too.
Well your brain isn't you, like a lunchbox isn't lunch.
I subscribe to the theory that the brain is you, and you’re piloting a meat mech.
Wheb your corpus collosum is severed your two brain hemispheres cannot directly interact with each other. Since they control desperate motor functions they can each learn something the other half doesnt know and cant describe (i.e. the side that controls the eye that saw an egg knows it saw an egg. But the other side that controls verbal communication cant say what it saw because it doesn know) over time the sides can even disagree or form differing opinions. So which side is you?
Probably the one that knows how to write.
You're the software for the meat mech
Mind body problem! Are 'you' something beyond what can be physically described (i.e., a soul/spirit), or are you simply a collection of firing synapses?
Well a bunch of metal and some chemicals can be a car.
Yeah but the ingredients of the lunch is the lunch
My friend calls his Brian. He literally refers to it as if it’s an external entity, who’s responsible for basically ruining his life
It helps a lot when setting boundaries. “My brains tired.” “I don’t think my brain could handle that…” etc.
Two-brained. One that want to get stuff done, and another that just can't even today. The second one wins more often than not...
Yes, until depression, and now it's very lonely in here. I should talk to them again, at some point.
Wait, I'm not the only one that does this?
Nope! I do it too
Yeah. Im stilll analyzing how it works.
nah, more often talking about my body as a separate entity (for me). i mean, the brain's a mess, but i really could do without all stuff that's attached to it!
What is your self and what is your brain in this context?
I context of ADHD self is your consciousness trying to use your brain to do stuff other people do in their daily lifes while brain is refusing to properly listen to those actions even when you can physically do them and have time for them. It's called "executive dysfunctions" and the more severe ADHD you have the more those executive functions become disabled. Medication helps with that but depending on what you take the side-effects are a real bitch to your body and mind. Hope this clarified things a bit.