Ask Lemmy

When I was in boy scouts, my dad at one point made a comment to me that our Senior Patrol Leader was "just like me, but older"

What he meant was that our SPL was an immature little shit and I shouldn’t rely on him. What i heard was "Your personal role model is just like you, and you can be as awesome as him if you put the work in."

As of late my mind keeps going back to the time my dad was punishing us and made my older brother do wall squats in front of us and hold the position until my brother started to cry (I think we were around 10 yrs old at the time) then told us siblings to look at our brother and told us that he is a pussy

The day he left. Watched him pack up his shit and stood at the end of the driveway in tears watching him drive away. He moved out of state, rarely called, almost never visited. I was seven years old.

As a father, I could not dream of doing that. The only thing that piece of shit was good for was an example of what not to do. I love my kids so much, I cannot understand how much of a heartless fuck you'd have to be to just piss off like that. If you've ever done this to your kids, you are a good for nothing piece of shit.

Hope the flames are keeping you toasty you rotten bastard, I'll be up here enjoying my own kids quite a lot!

When he threatened to break my legs for playing music too loud.

I remember when I was very young, maybe 3 or 4 so this would've been like 1975-6?, sitting in the truck with my dad waiting for something. A song came on the radio, and I looked over and realized that my dad was crying. It was the only time I've ever seen my dad cry, but when I asked him he didn't try to hide or deny it, he just said 'You'll understand one day.' I listened to that song over and over again for years as I grew up, and slowly understanding dawned and it really made me value my relationship with him (and with everyone, really), and made me realize that it's okay to feel stuff even if society tells you that 'real men don't cry' or whatever.

I've had a few" landmark moments" with my dad over the years. A lot of my experiences growing up with him were not positive. I think the most important thing I learned about him was that he wasn't a bad person. He genuinely wanted to do the right thing. He was (and to some extent still is) a broken man who's own father completely destroyed him. That realization made it easier for me to forgive him and work towards repairing our relationship.

The most important thing I learned from him was that anger is a cancer. If you can't learn to let it go, it will metastasize. It rots you away from the inside out; physically, mentally, and spiritually. Robbing you of joy and cutting you off from the people you love while doing nothing to resolve the things you're angry about.

I am extremely thankful that I learned that lesson at a relatively young age and before I had kids of my own. By the time my dad figured it out the damage was already done.

Him not being a part of my life for about 20 years. We've since reconciled to the point where we visit each other about twice a year and call every few months, but the relationship will always be a bit strained.

My dad constantly yelling at us. Telling us we were stupid and wouldn't amount to anything.

One of my sisters turned out that way, and I blame him for it.

My other sister and myself are both college graduates.

She's an engineer with a degree in math and engineering. I recently resigned from my geologist job to go back to school for biochemistry.

The reason it made such an impact on me is because I swore that my kid would never hear such talk from anyone in the family.

He just finished the 3rd grade at the top of his class in both math and reading.

I don't think he ever quite readjusted to civilian life after his time in World War II. He talked of it constantly, watched documentaries and war pictures.

I'll never forget being around 12 years old and hearing my dad address another adult by Mr+surname. It was Mr Palmer who organized the little league I grew up playing in and my dad coached. In school we were forced to address teachers and staff as Ms, Mrs or Mr but at that instance I realized treating others with respect is a choice

When he grabbed my by the throat and lifted me up a wall. Because i hit a door jam with a table leg, while moving it from the living room to the kitchen so he WOULDNT get pissed.

His fists.

I thought that my Dad always killed flies with extreme force, until I saw him releasing them outside from his fist.

"It's ok son. Don't listen to her. Your mother is fucking insane."

I love my dad, but I can only really think about the time he slammed my head through a wall when I was a teenager. I don't even remember what I did that pissed him off enough to do it. It's the only time he ever laid hands on me.

His misogyny.

When I was lime 6 or 7 he told me that he broke a gay guy's nose because he hit on my dad at a rest stop bathroom.