It's an Asian culture thing. My mom was the same way. It's absent in the families of my white friends though.
this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2025
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Sort of, I grew up in a "because I said so" home with one parent a drug addict and alcoholic (dad) and the other a narcissist (mom). It didn't exactly equip me with the proper tools to deal with a lot of curveballs life threw my way later.
The addict eventually left and then the narcissist married a really nice, stable, caring guy so I did actually get 1 decent role model out of the three. But I did have to cut the narcissist out of my life for the most part, later, when she ditched my father after he was done raising her children.
Long story short, don't be afraid to advocate for yourself and use critical thinking. We are most susceptible to gaslighting and manipulation from those we care about.
I do. I have canto parents that say literally the same exact thing: "only [your] parents can help me, my siblings have no obligation to help me".
My parents raised me with the sayings "do not talk to strangers", "if it is someone you don't know, don't go to meet", warned about something to do with money vs. friends etc, blah blah blah.
This kind of conditioned me to be very wary of other classmates when I was in high school, even if they were kind to me to begin with, so they would never go beyond as people I used to know in high school. It also made me fearful to take public transport or be alone at night; and it was not until after high school ended I finally became okay-ish using public transport in the early evening hours.
Well, since I have aspergers, it is necessarily difficult for me to even make friends to begin with, but I did eventually befriend 1 other aspergers person in the most weirdest of circumstances.
My parents kind of just think that "I just need to look at other people on what to do and do that". I feel like they think of autism as a childhood condition, and that since I'm an adult, that I just need to "stop being lazy and find something to do". It is despite the fact that I was never taught the skill of finding something to do outside of school (I have only ever attended an academic class in my entire life, outside of whatever junk I browse on the internet). I also wanted to return back to school before graduation but COVID took it away and so I never had the chance to play catch up. College and university didn't really have anything to help with re-integration. I feel like I was just expected to "bounce right back" even though I couldn't. My parents half-a**ed my time back when I used to be school and mostly just deferred to the school with what they did with my IEP/504 plan. My parents would say "the school is always right", and that "they know everything". They were pretty much cut off from the rest of ths school community.
I'm not too surprised why my parents voted for Trump. :( That's one way to certainly ruin and cripple a child's future.
I will never forgive them for it.
After meeting my friend, it is certainly night and day the differences all based on how incompetent my parents were.
I do feel jealously for him despite us two having aspergers and similar personalities. He seems able to do well in college on his own and have summer programs to do. Stuff I can't even do on my own and don't have the skills. It was because his parents were closely involved with the school and knowing other student's familes at the same school. As the saying goes, "it takes a village to raise a child". Something my parents most definitely threw out the door.
To be fair, your parents aren't technically wrong but they aren't really correct either.
While you can and should still trust people, at the end of the day everyone (including your parents) is in it for themselves and you will get stabbed in the back if someone can benefit from not. Not will benefit, but can benefit.
I get what they are saying, but it shouldn't be a trust no one, just be defensive in life and try to forecast why people want/need you at that moment. It's not always for reasons that are good or will benefit you.