the vatican couch was plush
this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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The pope didn’t thank him
JD Vance was the thing that made the Pope finally give up on humanity.
Obviously Vance wanted to fuck the Papal seat. The pope tried to explain that he couldn't just let Vance fuck the chair of St Peter. Vance did not like this answer.
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- Just
- Die
- Vatican
- Asshole
- Now
- Cum
- Expeditiously
He probably didn't even do it on purpose. But I'm sure he did it.
Rearrange the letters in J.D. Vance and you get VADJECAN
One thing I've learned is never try to beat a couch fucker at his own game
Obviously he was hoping to take his powers.
He killed the pope then a couple days later started up a Muslim terror attack on Hindus so all the worlds major religions are at war
He killed him by being near him
Remind some of this
Homie has a problem with decency and people following the word of Jesus, despite publicly saying he is a Christian.
not just christian. catholic.
in any other age, any other pope, he'd have been excommunicated and maybe put to the auto de fe.
If he had anything to do with it he probably heated the discussion and yelled at him like a spoiled brat.
I asked ChatGPT to explain why JD Vance would kill the pope and it cited articles at me to tell me that JD Vance did not, in fact, kill the pope. I even tried to get it to doubt itself and it doubled down. If I have to live in slop world, I should at least be able to have fun with it :(
I love how this is thread is basically lemmyshitpost lmao
Same as Liz Truss killing the queen. Sometimes, when you're old and in poor health, you just experience something that makes you think "fuck it, I don't need to put up with this shit anymore."
Lol .... this is it
When you're at the end of your life and hanging on the edge looking for a glimmer of hope .... then you get visited by an absolute tool that is only motivated by greed and power and represents a general apathy for any kind of humanity ...
you just think to yourself, "yeah, nah, this isn't worth it any more"
Especially if you genuinely believe in an afterlife. At some point, you think, "Why am I tolerating this tool? I got MUCH better places to be."
Pope didn't say Thank you.
But he did prove the power of prayer
The Pope had this really hot couch and JD fell in love with it at first sight. JD asked the couches father (the Pope) for the couches hand in marriage. The Pope, thinking this was a strange joke, laughed at JD's request. This filled JD with rage so he slit the popes thoat and began fucking the hot sofa.
As he bled out the pope was forced to watch the repeated violent defloration of his favorite piece of furniture.
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Just want to point out this is what furniture in the Vatican looked like before Pope Francis
And then after Pope Francis
Yeah, as far as popes go he was pretty chill
Still needed a way to finance a billion dollar corporation with tens of thousands of prime real estate all over the world managed by a legion of professional clergy all managed by a central office that is it's own country at the center of one of the most expensive cities in the world ..... all while spreading the message of piety, peace and being humble.
As much as everyone likes to glorify catholic leaders, they're still a mafia force that is based on money and wealth and Christian faith last
For sure, but as long as the mafia exists (which looks like it's going to be for a good long while still) I want it to have the leader who will do the most good possible, even if it's still a net negative. There are those out there who would use the resources to do a lot of harm.
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If anyone really cares, that's because Pope Francis was from the Jesuit Order. The first pope to be one. They swear poverty among other things, so the golden chair wouldn't look appropriate.
dude even refused to live in the Pope's residence and stays at the 3 star hotel (not really a hotel but described that way) that's for the visiting clergy (kept deliberately simple to dissuade visitors from wanting to stay too long). the guy's humility is inspiring even if I don't like his org.
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Probably sitting on a couch he found really attractive and got jealous.
Vance is pure evil. Pure evil needs to feed to sustain. In the face of pure evil the pope lost all hope and then Vance fed upon his soul.
There's photo evidence thanks to AI
He had his eye on a really nice couch in the lobby.
He's both a subordinate of the Anti-Christ and Russian asset. He was called upon to kill the pope to initiate the Pope election process that they can manipulate in order to get a more "pro-apocalypse" Pope in place.
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JD Vance just existed
The pope died of cringe from experiencing Vance's presence.
JD didn't do it on purpose. The most reasonable answer is the Pope accidentally walked on JD in a tender moment with a loveseat. The Pontiff laughed himself to death.
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The pope asked the Trump administration to be kind to immigrants and the poor. Can't have talk like that from the church.
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I don't think it was on purpose the Pope was just too frail to be in the same room as that much cringe. Frankly it was irresponsible of them to allow Vance anywhere near him.
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If JD Vance was actually the antichrist/satan it's super funny we greeted his arrival by calling him a couch fucker.
I wonder what couch fucker is in Latin... might make a great shirt
Vance is too stupid to kill him, he'd fuck it up for sure. Did you see him drop Ohio State's trophy the other day? The guy is a total fuck up. He'd end up putting the Iocaine Powder in his own tea.
Nah, it was someone in his entourage that did it.
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I mean I don't think I know Vance killed him. See Trump can make stuff up why can't we.
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