A body that isn't rapidly degrading before I'm even 30.
I had a couple more grocery store stops to make tonight but decided to go home instead because my body hurts and i wanted to stop moving for a while.
Granted, I am fat and sedentary
this post was submitted on 11 Apr 2025
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I wish I had enough rhythm to dance, not like some amazing dancer, I'm talking even just a little bit. I dance like Elaine on Seinfeld.
I'd settle for a non-shy bladder (a social bladder? An extroverted bladder?)
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Functional parents.
Mine are 80, and due to a lifetime of terrible decisions and this shitty country, are driving for DoorDash, in the car I "loaned" to them a year ago.
I love them, but it'll be nice when the funeral comes, because at least it'll be the last time they use me as an ATM.
I'm here with you. I've spent the last two years no contact with mine and undoing the damage they caused to me and my kid. The worst part is, they weren't always like this and I'll have to mourn the death of who they were long before I mourn the death of who they are.
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A properly functioning neocortex.
Regular fucking eyesight
I'm not even asking for 20/20, I'm asking for eyesight that can be fixed by LASIK
Stereo vision
Handwriting or drawing ability beyond that of a 6yo
The ability to follow a conversation with more than about 4 people in the room, and for crowd noise not to flip into a gibbering hellscape.
A functional pancreas. Worked perfectly fine for 27 years, then my body just decided it was evil. Super neat.
The ability to snap my fingers. I can barely make a sound when doing it.
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A half-decent singing voice.
To illustrate how bad my singing is: our school did a musical every year. One year it was Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. The music department set up auditions. First they did a speaking audition, after which I was short-listed for Joseph. Then they did the singing audition. I ended up being 'one of the brothers, the one who doesn't really sing anything'.
I don't even want to be an awesome singer, just be able to carry a tune recognisably.
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Smooth joints, by the time I was 14 I already had clicky joints and now if I stand or sit in the wrong way I need to click them back in
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Moderately good health.
A big fluffy tail.