this post was submitted on 06 Apr 2025
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Preface: I know veganism is a broad ethical/justice stance against any animal exploitation that extends beyond food, but food is the most common way that humans contribute to the exploitation of nonhuman animals by far, usually 3 times a day or more - and it's something that they love to talk about and do as well. We could include buying clothes to a degree, but fewer clothes people buy are made from animals, and that topic doesn't seem to come up as much.

Do you avoid talking about, looking at, or being around food when with non-vegans (which is most people, meaning really any situation unless you're exclusively with people you know are vegan) because the reminder of what they're causing to happen to animals right in front of you and that most people don't share your views/actions on animals is too upsetting (possibly especially when it's people you know)?

Also because it can turn into an argument that you don't want, either because you feel obligated to briefly comment on it/state your opinion/certain facts if the subject specifically goes in that direction of veganism/animal cruelty (or feel like you should, but stop yourself for fear of rejection/conflict, which is itself painful) and then people get defensive & argumentative, or because other people bring it up and force the conversation on you and ask you questions about it that you don't know how to lie about or feel you have to be honest about, and then that leads to them getting angry and criticizing your views etc?

How do you avoid these situations? For example, it might be easier to do in digital formats, e.g. on Discord if I am in a server that has a food channel, I completely avoid the food channel or don't even give myself the "role" that would allow myself to see it. (Does anyone else do this? Seeing murdered corpses & exploited secretions of animals being glorified on full display is too triggering, especially when it's next to an "animal lovers" channel that is actually just "pet" lovers - dogs and cats that those people would feel the same horror at humans eating as we feel about all animals. That speciesist double standard/hypocrisy is also very distressing & maddening to be reminded of.) If people start talking about food in a general chat in any online space unrelated to food (it happens a lot) I typically just leave. For social media, there is always a way to just exit the space, platform, situation or turn off the device.

But how do you avoid this in real life? When you're in a social situation with people, you don't really have the ability to just leave if they're talking about or eating food.

I know some people take the Liberation Pledge (refusing to eat anywhere that animals and/or animal products are being served, and organizing fully plant-based [or alternatively at least animal flesh free] tables to eat at always). Usually this is done as more of a justice stance against animal exploitation as an extension of veganism, or as part of activism. But if I was going to do something like that, it would probably be largely to protect myself from the emotional anguish and stressful (often tense) situations that come about from being around people eating animals/animal secretions. However I don't know if it's effective for normalizing or getting across the message of not using animals (not that that is the focus of my post), or if it's practical to avoid all those situations from a personal point of view - it could be more isolating than I already feel. I don't want to ostracize myself from other people by not associating with them while they're involving themselves in discussions or activities related to animal exploitation, but at the same time I feel very disturbed about this and I know I feel more comfortable around other vegans - or when non-vegans aren't talking about those subjects at all.

Do you (vegans) personally avoid situations where food is being talked about or consumed when around non-vegans, or how do you deal with this from a mental health perspective?

P.S. Since there isn't an AskAVegan server on Lemmy that I know of, and the vegan community here is pretty small and often gets non-vegans commenting in it, I'm just specifying I'd rather only vegans reply to this if that's okay.

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[–] Ephera@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 day ago

Personally, I grew up in a family of meat eaters, so I'm pretty numb to the sight of it. For me, it's rather inverted, so I avoid the topic, because meat eaters will feel attacked and become aggressive. But yeah, it's a lot easier to avoid in that sense, because I can simply shut up rather than having to leave a situation entirely...

[–] streetfestival@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 day ago

I don't really avoid non-vegan food topics because they're triggering to me. I might have for the first 6 months or so I was vegan, when my newfound vegan anguish or vystopia was really fresh.

But now, seeing someone eat meat or talk about how much they like meat products doesn't affect me much. I know that 100 million or so sentient beings are being killed each and every day after being confined to cramped, cruel, and unhygienic environments all their lives - and it's killing the planet and causing humans to be on cardio metabolic drugs all their lives. All of this is propped up and protected by big money through ag-gag laws, government subsidies, ridiculous advertising budgets, and lobbying against vegan meats.

I find it saddening to be around chicken restaurants, because I know chickens are treated very inhumanely. I dislike any imaging of say a chicken offering up a bucket of fried chicken.

I avoid talking about non-vegan food and being in non-vegan-friendly environments because I don't want to participate in those types of events. I might have a good amount of things in common with someone who's non-vegan, but talking to them about meat focuses our interaction on things I don't share with them at all and in fact think less of them for it (e.g., what is behind their daily cruelty to sentient beings - unintelligence, denial, a desire to fit in). Often some guilt or defensiveness in them upon learning that I don't share their indifference to the suffering of non-human animals is the first thing that's noticeable. I'll steer conversations back to things we have in common.

People who are genuinely curious about eating less non-human animal products have very different vibes. And I always try to welcome them where they're at.

[–] vegetvs@kbin.earth 3 points 1 day ago

I'm happy to find this post, because I can relate 100%. Yes, I do try to avoid these situations as much as possible, but like you said, sometimes you can't, so I face them anyways. Why? Because just by being vegan myself, people around me will already question their own choices, in a sort of a silent activism. That sometimes leads to conflict, but it's because carnists intrinsically know they are wrong. It's just through the phenomenon of cognitive dissonance that they fight their own reason and we're usually caught in that crossfire, because we've found the way out of the net of lies.

There's a balance between standing my ground and showing everyone that my values not only matter but are well founded, and my own well being. I'm often not in the mood to endure a war against carnism everyday, when all I want to do it enjoy my lunch, so I check my own energy levels before making any decision. After being vegan for so long, two things usually happen: you don't need to rethink about it anymore, because it's so obvious, and because of that, the disappointment of interacting with people who still didn't make the connection only gets worse.

When I share a table with carnists, they will more often than not make comments about how tasty their food is and such. I'm pretty sure some of them will weaponize what seems to be an "innocent comment" about their food just to try and make the vegans around them feel bad. They can always argue that they were doing nothing wrong, because of the status quo, even though they can probably notice they are making us vegans uncomfortable.

I don't really have a manual for this, but I usually ignore them the first time they make these comments or depending on my mood I space out on purpose, to signal how alienating their comments can be to someone with my values. If they insist on the topic, I usually remind them politely about any random fact surrounding the obvious exploitation of animals. I try to keep it as cool as possible, with remarks such as "I bet the cow disagrees with that" and the sort. It's surprisingly effective, as most not-die-hard carnists in the table will simply laugh out loud and there's hardly any counter-argument the die-hard carnists could make about that.

That being said, this is easier said than done, and it took me many years to get to this state of mind. I used to be mildly depressed about this for a very long time. But when you are sure about your values, meaning you are sure you are (obviously) right about your stance, it becomes more natural. On the positive side, when I became vegan carnists were way more aggressive, because they had probably never heard about someone who would voluntarily avoid exploiting animals. Nowadays most people have heard of or directly interacted with at least one vegan, so they have become more silent and less prone to question everything. I mean, it's on the Internet for anyone to read about it, if they really want to educate themselves.

[–] technocrit@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I avoid food topics because I don't want to trigger carnists. They're privileged babies and they can't handle the reality of their exploitative lives. They're generally not mature, intelligent, or empathetic enough to handle the truth. They can become dangerously upset but they rarely evolve or improve themselves.

[–] Teppichbrand@feddit.org 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 22 hours ago)

I usually don't attack meat eaters if they leave me alone, but I'm outspoken about why I don't eat animals and I defend my standpoint if necessary (log tap!). Usually, I don't get emotional as I feel it's not helping to convince anybody. I rather stay calm, factual and friendly. But at home, I still cry from all the videos my fellow carnists refuse to watch.