this post was submitted on 15 Feb 2025
646 points (98.6% liked)

Not The Onion

13642 readers
321 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Trump administration officials fired more than 300 staffers Thursday night at the National Nuclear Security Administration — the agency tasked with managing the nation’s nuclear stockpile — as part of broader Energy Department layoffs, according to four people with knowledge of the matter.

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Hupf@feddit.org 3 points 6 days ago

Just don't lose the launch codes:
000000000000

[–] ModestMeme@lemm.ee 129 points 1 week ago

Ah, the willy nilly style of leadership… Oh wait, this is coming from the Russian puppet rapist pants-shitter. In that case it’s exactly what Russia needs. It’s deliberate. It’s expected.

[–] Mobiuthuselah@lemm.ee 120 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Reminds me of when I would root my phone and then go through stripping out anything I didn't understand assuming it was bloat or spyware. I'd typically end up frustrated that my device didn't seem to run very well.

[–] ceenote@lemmy.world 63 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Making the government unable to operate is the point.

[–] frunch@lemmy.world 26 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"government doesn't work!!"

/proceeds to cripple any/all functionality of gov

"See?! I told ya it doesn't work" 🥴

[–] rowanthorpe@lemmy.ml 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Just like the playbook against NHS in UK:

"NHS doesn't work, it must be privatised (and contracted out to companies owned by my friends)!!"

/proceeds to starve funds and undermine NHS at every turn

"See?! I told ya it doesn't work" 🥴

[–] rowanthorpe@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 week ago

AKA "Disaster Capitalism"

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 21 points 1 week ago (1 children)

lol .... idiots are trying to root the US government and don't know what they are doing. Hopefully they won't brick everything and go out and buy an overpriced brand new iphone.

[–] Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 45 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Bricking it is their goal. They aren't stupid, they're malicious, which is orders of magnitude worse.

They act stupid, cuz their base are fucking morons and find it relatable, but don't assume any of the damage they're doing isn't 100% intentional.

[–] Soup@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I mean, c’mon, maybe that was a case a while ago but a) yes they fucking are, the most selfish thing you can do is take care of others because that’ll come back around into a support system no one can take from you, either, and b) all the “smart” ones created all these dumb as rocks ones and now the idiots they created have come to be in charge.

They absolutely are stupid, and it’s a huge fucking problem.

[–] Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Part of the problem with Trump and the other Trumpanzees following in his his footsteps is that we constantly give them the village-idiot pass and fail to hold them accountable.

When it comes to politics, world leaders, CEOs - it's the the opposite of Hanlon's Razor. Never attribute to stupidity that which is adequately explained by malice.

If their actions cause damage, I'm going to assume it was calculated and intentional, especially when it's a pattern that repeats itself on a daily fucking basis.

And honestly, you're probably right. Especially as you go lower and lower down the Nazi chain of command, the spectrum slides from evil to stupid. But if there's even an inkling of a chance that that any one of those Nazis has the self awareness to realize that they are in fact the badies, but stay the course anyway cuz they're fucking evil, then that's the assumption I'm rolling with.

Treat these traitors like the threat they are, regardless of their motive or capability.

[–] Soup@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (2 children)

It’s absolutely both, and I never said that they should not be held accountable. They are unclever gorillas smashing the place up and yes, it is absolutely for evil, evil reasons but that doesn’t mean these are deep, well thought-out schemes. It’s basic garbage for garbage people, a idiot’s genius. Yes, it’s calculated, but the math is of a grade one level and even then they don’t always get it right but you bet they’re still trying to be as evil as possible.

Being a conservative almost requires one to be dumber than a bag of hammers. The only reason most of them get anywhere is because other idiots like the useless centrists refuse to hold them accountable so we all act like they’re clever when really they’re just shielded from consequences. Elon Musk is as dumb as they come and we all know exactly what he’s doing it’s just that when he buys Twitter for way too much money and blows it up he doesn’t have to deal with any fallout and can keep that shitstorm running out of pure spite and lighting billions of dollars on fire.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.com 97 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Get hired back as private consultants at 5x the pay. Firing me was your fuckup. You deserve to pay for it.

[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 85 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Oh, they're just going to nepotism some idiot fuckup into the job.

[–] pelespirit@sh.itjust.works 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I hear Homer is available.

[–] breakingcups@lemmy.world 30 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I'd have more faith in him than any of the idiots they will actually pick.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Quill7513@slrpnk.net 9 points 1 week ago

they will be unbothered when they blow us all up

[–] straightjorkin@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

This is exactly the Curtis Yarvin RAGE plan. Remember a few years ago when that lady got sued for not issuing a marriage license to a gay couple, despite the law? She's the ideal for them, someone who will fulfill their fascists will even when real adults take over.

[–] IDKWhatUsernametoPutHereLolol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 53 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Oopsie, accidentally lost some nukes.

What's that? israel mysteriously found some nukes? Guess we'll never know where they got them from, its a mystery...

[–] leftytighty@slrpnk.net 11 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Israel already illegally developed nuclear weapons on their own

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] jewbacca117@lemmy.world 42 points 1 week ago

They must have consulted the guy in charge of the twitter layoffs

[–] NutWrench@lemmy.ml 39 points 1 week ago (3 children)

"Not realizing. "

No. They absolutely realized it. Farking the country up is the entire point

[–] HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club 2 points 6 days ago

The US government is gigantic and does a lot beyond what most people see in a day to day basis.

The visible part of DoE is energy conservation and developing alternative energy sources. It turns out the DoE does a lot more and they didn't realize this before promising to destroy the department.

[–] imsufferableninja@sh.itjust.works 15 points 1 week ago (3 children)

i could believe that they're too stupid to know what the DOE does

[–] GroundedGator@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

I could also see them being manipulated by outside powers so that weapons might mysteriously end up in foreign hands.

They are both ignorant and pliable.

TBH it's on message for them.

The guy they had to lead the DOE last time had no idea what they did, either. It's nice to see that at least some things don't change.

[–] XeroxCool@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

DOGE, but 25% more efficient?

[–] inv3r5ion@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Fucking, the word is fucking.

[–] JuxtaposedJaguar@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 week ago

Swearing?! On my internet?!

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 38 points 1 week ago (1 children)

didn't he have this problem of not understanding what the department of energy did last term?

[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Yep. His 'bull in a China shop' philosophy of governance comes with a lot of collateral damage.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

philosophy of governance

Just feels wrong in a sentence about the diaper, even after "bull in a China shop."

[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

No doubt it does, but I think 'bull in a China shop' is a fairly accurate characterization.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It seems funny until you realize that we actually do need some serious people running government, and instead, our president has staffed it with 20 year-old morons and idiotic TV personalities that he probably secretly uses for fap fodder.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] AlsaValderaan@lemmy.blahaj.zone 18 points 1 week ago (3 children)

I wonder how many nukes are gonna disappear.

[–] MumboJumbo@lemmy.world 21 points 1 week ago

Why don't we ask Jeff?

[–] rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I already took 12 of them.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Dunno, but I hope one makes it to the Palestinians so this war can end. Mutually-assured destruction is a wonderful thing.

[–] some_designer_dude@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago

The guy who did his fireworks on the campaign trail will be heading NORAD.

[–] ehpolitical@lemmy.ca 11 points 1 week ago

Lol, ok, I can see why this is called NOT THE ONION. Geeze, and this is the most powerful country in the world. Maybe they don't actually know where Canada is, ha.

[–] TexasDrunk@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

So a hair under 20 years ago I was offered a position similar to this after leaving the Navy. I'm so glad I went into private industry in another field entirely.

[–] ryven@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Hobbes_Dent@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Spy novel themed porno plot moment.

Edit: Russian porno

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 6 points 1 week ago

When they beg you to come back, Dean and a contract for 10x your previous salary or no deal.

[–] Montreal_Metro@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 week ago

Those stockpiles should be moved to Canada, because clearly they are not mature enough to take care of such things.

[–] moitoi@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I knew someone who mixed cars and airplanes at the end of his life.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago
load more comments
view more: next ›