this post was submitted on 14 Oct 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] bamfic@lemmy.world 133 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

Classmate in 7th grade while warming up for gym class stretched easily that way. One kid made the offhand comment "Hey, you can suck your own dick!" and flexible kid immediately yelled "SHUT UP!". Which told us all he'd done it.

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 48 points 1 week ago (2 children)

For the curious, I did know someone who said they could do it. We didn't have long conversations about it or anything but he said all you need to know.

"It's more like sucking dick than getting your dick sucked."

[–] bamfic@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago

Makes perfect sense! Like doing 69. Mouth grabs attention over genitals.

[–] VeganCheesecake@lemmy.blahaj.zone 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Sounds like a win win. Maybe I should work on getting more flexible.

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago

Hey, aim for the moon, if you miss you still hit the stars! Or something.

Just please, please take it slow and stretch a LOT and don't force it, you can seriously maim your back if you force it. There's probably some yoga exercises you can look up online.

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 13 points 1 week ago

I'm not jealous. You are!

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If I could suck my own dick, I wouldn't ever leave the house.

[–] And009@reddthat.com 2 points 1 week ago

Pairs well with a choking fetish

[–] nieceandtows@lemmy.world 81 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Anon messed up not removing a couple of ribs beforehand

[–] bamfic@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago
[–] PunnyName@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago

He removed the ribs so he could eat them.

[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I mean, it's all relative to the size of your steeple

[–] joelfromaus@aussie.zone 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

So you’re saying I’d need to remove 4-5 ribs?

[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 6 points 1 week ago

You sound like you can't smell your own shit on your knees

[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (14 children)

I can't believe this old hoax is still being circulated. This goes back pre-internet as one of the first viral memes.

[–] mysteryname101@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago

Shhh. It reveals our age.

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[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 29 points 1 week ago (10 children)

Is that something other men want to do? Even my dog had no interest in it and he was easily flexible enough.

[–] basmati@lemmus.org 111 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You shouldn't get your dog to suck your dick, no matter how flexible the dog is.

Yeah, they can't make a vacuum due to their mouth shape, so it's just going to be sloppy with a large risk of puncture. Totally not worth it.

[–] Hydra_Fk@reddthat.com 25 points 1 week ago (2 children)

They say it's more like sucking a dick vs getting a bj apparently.

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 14 points 1 week ago

Sounds like a win-win in my book.

[–] Speculater@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Old_Fat_White_Guy@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago

A 50 50 will cost you about tree fiddy in these parts. So they say....

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 week ago

Yes. I know peeps and it’s apparently awesome.

[–] rovingnothing29@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

I mean I heard a kid broke his neck trying back in the late 90s

[–] assassinatedbyCIA@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Did you remove your dog’s balls though? That might have an effect.

I wasn't the one who did it, and it didn't keep him from licking other dogs...

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[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Suckin that dick at an egregerious angle

[–] SynopsisTantilize@lemm.ee 7 points 1 week ago

I cackled laughed in a Walmart just now. Can't explain that one lol

[–] Sendpicsofsandwiches@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This shit ain't nothing to me man

[–] EnderMB@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Pfft, sucking your own dick is amateur. Real men toss their own salad.

Sounds like a qualification for Cirque du Soleil.

[–] mindbleach@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 week ago

Back, not neck.

... I'm told.

[–] HawlSera@lemm.ee 6 points 1 week ago

Wanna be hip? Gotta suck your own dick.

[–] Tattorack@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Dude probably thought he was a h0rs3 character.

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[–] Num10ck@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (2 children)
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