this post was submitted on 22 Aug 2024
1218 points (98.9% liked)

Funny: Home of the Haha

5611 readers
694 users here now

Welcome to /c/funny, a place for all your humorous and amusing content.

Looking for mods! Send an application to Stamets!

Our Rules:

  1. Keep it civil. We're all people here. Be respectful to one another.

  2. No sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia or any other flavor of bigotry. I should not need to explain this one.

  3. Try not to repost anything posted within the past month. Beyond that, go for it. Not everyone is on every site all the time.


Other Communities:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] itsgroundhogdayagain@lemmy.ml 234 points 2 months ago (5 children)

If marriage isn't annoying your spouse with your nonsense on a daily basis then I dont know what marriage is.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 85 points 2 months ago (3 children)

My wife is nearly annoy proof. If I texted that, she would get all warm and fuzzy.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 76 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Sounds like your wife is keeping the Live, Laugh, Love pillow manufacturers in business.

[–] don@lemm.ee 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

“Why fit in when you’re born to stand out?”

[–] blanketswithsmallpox@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] nomous@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It doesn't matter what comes, fresh goes better in life!

[–] Chekhovs_Gun@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight!

[–] jawa21@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 2 months ago

Hot dogs. Armor hot dogs!

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 32 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Have you tried removing the toilet seat 1 hour after your wife goes to bed, so that when she gets up to pee at 2am and doesn't turn on the light, she falls in?

Then you burst in, snap a pic, and upload it to your instagram with the caption "I keep the bitches pussy wet!"

Maybe THAT will annoy her?

[–] Laborer3652@reddthat.com 7 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Thats not annoying, its just mean and disrespectful.

[–] WillFord27@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Don't think they were being serious

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works 16 points 2 months ago

I literally promised an eye-roll per day in my vows. Can't stop, won't stop.

(Holiday inn)

[–] verity_kindle@sh.itjust.works 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Texting my spouse in another country with random nonsense, even though with our data plan, it's $0.10 a text.

[–] Kalkaline@leminal.space 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Can't you use something like Telegram/Signal/WhatsApp and avoid the charges?

[–] Neon@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Signal. Whatsapp maybe. But Telegram isn't even encrypted e2e. Never Telegram.

[–] BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

Wait.. whaat ?? There are actual people who knowingly prefer WhatsApp to telegram ? I truly prefer telegram to WhatsApp, and am very surprised about this. To me WhatsApp = Facebook and I cannot fathom to use it if I can avoid it.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] ccunning@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago

I should have married you instead of my wife. She’s just not that into it…

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Boozilla@lemmy.world 158 points 2 months ago

"Go with the flow."

Divorce noises.

[–] Xatolos@reddthat.com 125 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Menstruation jokes aren't funny. Period.

[–] NeoNachtwaechter@lemmy.world 86 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Imagine saying to your period:
"Be unstoppable!"

[–] OhStopYellingAtMe@lemmy.world 50 points 2 months ago

I was thinking the same thing. “Unstoppable” is not a trait you’d want to impart to your period.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 66 points 2 months ago

For maximum effect, save "walk like a champion!" until she's rushing to the bathroom.

[–] teft@lemmy.world 61 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Is "be unstoppable" really a quote you want on something that stops something?

[–] verity_kindle@sh.itjust.works 33 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Some periods ARE unstoppable. "Anemia" achievement unlocked!

[–] kofe@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Omg the days I've had super plus tampons, PLUS pads, and they'd be soaked within hours 😭 thank god for birth control

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 20 points 2 months ago (3 children)

I hope doctors don’t say this anymore, but it used to be common for them to suggest having a kid if you had heavy periods and no kids. On top of that being an insane reason to have a child, wtf are you gonna do if it doesn’t work?? Now you have heavy periods and a small child.

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 15 points 2 months ago

"How's mommy's little prescription today?"

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I mean, it's free labor for small tasks. You ask a 2 year old to bring you a beer from the fridge, it's like a game to them! Just stock the beer on the bottom shelf so it's easily accessable to children. I mean, what were you going to use your crisper for anyways? Vegitables??? Pssshhhh!!!!!

[–] YarHarSuperstar@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] verity_kindle@sh.itjust.works 57 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 30 points 2 months ago (4 children)

Baby please hurt me, please hurt me, some more

[–] jaschen@lemm.ee 24 points 2 months ago
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] mavu@discuss.tchncs.de 42 points 2 months ago

This is a very brave person

[–] AFC1886VCC@reddthat.com 24 points 2 months ago
[–] troglodytis@lemmy.world 21 points 2 months ago (3 children)
[–] itslilith@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 2 months ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] t_berium@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

Vladislav? Baby, don't hurt me...

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] zephorah@lemm.ee 16 points 2 months ago

This is great. She’s got a keeper there.

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 12 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Can you imagine if a period never stopped. Poor girl would bleed out

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] portuga@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (2 children)

Do you just siphon through old , like decades old, posts from reddit or whatever? I mean I want to participate I just don’t know how far back into pre-history

[–] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] portuga@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

Now you’re getting into old man shouts at clouds territory

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

My litmus test is essentially whether I've seen it before or not, even if it looks like it could be old. If it made me laugh, I'll give it a shot and see if Lemmy enjoys it too.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Num10ck@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

his dick needs a tampon costume

[–] Novice_Idiot@lemmy.wtf 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Thank you kind stranger, now where the fuck can I buy one?

[–] Num10ck@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] techt@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago

I'll save anyone else a click, even Etsy doesn't have anything even close to a tampon costume for a penis. That link does, however, somehow have a The "Rings of Saturn" Butthole in the search results, so... yeah.

[–] Marduk73@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 months ago

I will be laughing at this one all day🤣

load more comments
view more: next ›