this post was submitted on 24 Jul 2024

305 points (96.4% liked)

Not The Onion

12326 readers

2004 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

Links to news stories from...
...credible sources, with...
...their original headlines, that...
...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago

MODERATORS

kescusay@lemmy.world

305

Elon Musk Reportedly Offered SpaceX Employees Sperm to Seed Mars Colony (futurism.com)

submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by kamenlady@lemmy.world to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

36 comments fedilink hide all child comments

SpaceX employees' work is breaking barriers, while this asshat keeps terrorizing them with his utter gross bullshit

Edit: after reading through the article again, some passages stuck out, like:

Apart from aspiring to become the biological father for his Martian colony, Musk has leveraged many of his own businesses to create a civilization on Mars, including Boring Company tunnels to dig under the planet's surface and a Tesla Cybertruck rugged enough to traverse its mountainous landscapes.

So, take it all with a grain of salt.

*Emphasis mine

all 40 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] Boozilla@lemmy.world 87 points 3 months ago (1 children)

He has a dozen kids already. This dude needs to get his fetish under control.

[–] LavenderDay3544@lemmy.world 28 points 3 months ago (1 children)

And most of them don't like him.

[–] Angry_Autist@lemmy.world 20 points 3 months ago

Almost everyone who's ever known him for more than 20 minutes knows he's a raging narcissist without the actual smarts to back it.

[–] n3m37h@sh.itjust.works 70 points 3 months ago

Elon proving once again he is a fucking moron

[–] inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world 67 points 3 months ago

"No boss, we don't need your sperm. Please stop asking."

[–] formergijoe@lemmy.world 48 points 3 months ago

Elon totally has a my little pony in a jar.

[–] randomdeadguy@lemmy.world 40 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Imagine going to Mars but it's just filled with Elon descendants.

[–] cabron_offsets@lemmy.world 24 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Nuke it

[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 6 points 3 months ago

If they're all like Vivian, that doesn't sound so bad

[–] Num10ck@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Elongated

[–] xe3@lemmy.world 37 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The cyber truck is almost rugged enough to Brave the Home Depot parking lot (so long as it’s been recently paved.

[–] WhatsHerBucket@lemmy.world 33 points 3 months ago

Is anyone actually surprised? But ewww.

[–] rustydrd@sh.itjust.works 33 points 3 months ago

Best way to start a colony is with a genetic bottleneck.

[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 26 points 3 months ago (1 children)

What a jerkoff

[–] Minarble@aussie.zone 3 points 3 months ago

Yeah, this Elon guy sounds like a right wanker.

[–] randomdeadguy@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

This is just colonial monarchy with extra steps Edit: castrate the rich

[–] Peppycito@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 months ago

I would like to sign up for a life of indentured servitude on Mars! The silver lining is it will be a short life.

[–] Burn_The_Right@lemmy.world 21 points 3 months ago (2 children)

TIL Elon keeps a cum jar.

[–] Randomgal@lemmy.ca 3 points 3 months ago

He uses it to spice up his cereal.

[–] visikde@lemmings.world 21 points 3 months ago

Elmo put it back in your pants...

[–] sunzu@kbin.run 19 points 3 months ago

Teslatubby wants to propagate

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 18 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I offer everyone I meet sperm, it’s what makes me a great host.

[–] BakerBagel@midwest.social 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Here's your sperm

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago

I'd take Chevy Chase's sperm if it was given to me by Walton Goggins.

[–] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 3 months ago

Imagine having the misfortune of not only being stuck on mars, but also having to share your genes with this greasy fuck.

[–] CaptPretentious@lemmy.world 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Inbred martians... Neat.

[–] uberdroog@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago

"Just cup your hands" - probably.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 months ago

Anyone know how much the additional ~30 pounds of a human man, compared to a human woman and a test tube of cum, would cost to fly to mars? How many women would each mission need to take to offset the weight of a precisely calibrated refrigerator full of spunk? If, upon arrival on mars, they immediately begin pouring cum all over the ground, how delicious would Elon’s tears be?

[–] LEDZeppelin@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago

EwwwLon

[–] programmer_belch@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I hope when we get to Mars we are over the whole car idea and can start building train and path tracks instead of doing suburb 2 electric bogaloo

[–] Angry_Autist@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

any real colonization will be corporate sponsored and whatever is built there will be the most urban hellscape you can imagine.

[–] programmer_belch@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 3 months ago

"Sorry, your colony didn't pay the oxygen fee so we sealed all connections to other colonies"

[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 7 points 3 months ago

He really does think he is Horatio from Endless Space.

[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

More baby Elons?

[–] Windex007@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

If I was a SpaceX employee, I would not accept sperm in exchange for seeding a mars colony

[–] IphtashuFitz@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

If he/they did go through with this I’d start a GoFundMe to reward the employee(s) that successfully sabotages the effort, wether by substituting their own sample or any other verifiable means.