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How can I improve my communication with a friend I like? (mander.xyz)

submitted 2 months ago by Mothra@mander.xyz to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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There is this guy I like, I have reason to think he may like me too but we're both playing dumb, or maybe I'm just imagining it all.

Yes, that's how immature I am. Now please help me.

We've known each other for years and we seem to get close to each other, then we take distance, then close again, repeat, repeat, repeat.

I'm terrified of losing him as a friend for trying to be more than just that. I've already lost people for showing my interest and I've also had to burn the bridge with guys who wouldn't give me space or kept hitting up on me repeatedly. This happens.

I would like to create a consistent, regular conversation going on. I'm afraid of overwhelming him so I don't even know what's a good frequency to reach out.

Personally the biggest challenge for me is finding ways to deepen our conversations. Things tend to stay pretty much on the surface most of the time, even though we can talk of almost any topic openly. Another barrier is our very different interests, we have almost no shared media in common (different music, different shows watched/liked, different videogames liked etc).

Usually when talking to other friends, conversations tend to naturally steer towards more meaningful topics. I don't know if I'm inadvertently holding myself back with him, or if finding meaningful topics has always been a thing started by the other person and I've never realized it.

So, any tips?

Have you got ways to deepen conversations?

Guys, have girls ever impressed you positively and how?

Thanks

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[–] Vitalstatistix@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

Ask him open ended questions about what he likes or finds interesting. Ask him about times when he was afraid for his life or the most memorable vacation he’s been on. Ask him about his goals or aspirations, embarrassing or funny stories, where he’d most like to travel, etc. Conversation flows more naturally when people are talking about something they’re excited about and you might learn more about him when he describes his past or feelings or wishes. You can use the info you learn to ask follow-up questions. Just make sure to actively listen and let him talk. Don’t just be thinking of what you want to say next. Maybe he’s afraid to open up to you or look dumb. Show him that you can be vulnerable and share a funny embarrassing thing that happened to you.