this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2024
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depression_now!

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It's either kill myself or quit my job, so I'm quittingnmy job (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 3 months ago by pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/depression_now@lemmy.world
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When I can't find another and run out of savings in a few months, that's when Ill kill myself.

Honestly did a bit of a trial run last night, fastened a bag over my head and snuggled my stuffed animals on the couch to see what it would be like. It's definitely something I can go through with if/when it comes to it. Taking other steps to make life less unbearable first, hence the title. I don't really see my life ending any other way though tbh, just more of a question of when. If I'm lucky, it'll be when the climate change induced famine prices me out of being able to eat and I chose not to starve. Anyways, sorry for making you read this. Fuck.

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[–] Mountain_Mike_420@lemmy.ml 4 points 3 months ago (2 children)

That’s a horrible way to die. Do some research on the way the Japanese kids do it now and days, it’s pain and suffering free.

[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

It really wasn't bad. I got to the point where my vision started getting fuzzy before deciding to open the bag. I was able to keep calm and take slow breaths and relax. Went into it without actual intent to follow through, but wrote a quick note anyways, just in case I decided to go through with it or an accident happened. Though, I've been into autoerotic asphyxiation since I was an experimental teenager, so I have practice/it's not mentally horrifying to me like it is to normal people. Don't do breathplay often, because I don't have anyone to do it with to keep me safe, but I'm almost past caring

[–] theilleists@lemmy.world 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You have made me curious - I tried to find what you were talking about, but all I could find on novel Japanese suicide methods was a trend of "detergent suicide" around 2008, i.e. hydrogen sulfide gas poisoning. Is that what you meant? If so, it can endanger first responders and inconvenience neighbors with evacuation. Inert gas is equally painless and much more socially responsible.

[–] Mountain_Mike_420@lemmy.ml 1 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Oh no that is definitely not the way. I can’t find a reference to the documentary I watched and I won’t go into details here but here is link to place in particular I was talking about: https://allthatsinteresting.com/suicide-forest-aokigahara

[–] pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Hanging is a lot worse to me than unrestricted asphyxiation. I don't care for the pain of my throat getting crushed, with rebreathing until I die I just have to deal with the panic. Like ofc it's not comfortable but if you keep calm and take slow breaths it hits a peak of discomfort pretty quick and doesn't get much worse

[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Check out gradual fill CO2. It'll get you where you're going, should it come to it.

[–] flappy@lemm.ee 2 points 1 month ago

Hypothermia on a snowy night will be my way to go. Alcohol dilates the blood vessels, so you don't feel the cold. Make sure to pick a spot that's not too crowded, so your corpse can rot a bit in the spring, before being found.

Certainly beats getting hit by a train, which I witnessed a few years ago.