“In the entire dataset, 29% of men said they never approached a woman in person before. 27% said it had been more than one year. This was larger for men in the age 18-25 group: 45% had never approached a woman in person,” according to the study.
A majority of single males surveyed reported fear as the main reason they do not approach women for dates in person. Fear of rejection and fear of social consequences were the two most common responses.
The data highlights a growing concern in the United States and abroad — loneliness. A 2023 report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that almost half of U.S. adults report “measurable levels of loneliness.”
It's interesting to say the least. It seems as though the social repercussions and rejection are the most profound reason. While the fear of rejection is easy enough to digest. But I think the fear or social consequences is a relatively new construct.
From what I understand it's the fear of being viewed as a creep to approach a woman out of the blue. Which to me, is reasonable enough. But I don't think I have ever heard my old man or anyone of his generation bringing this to the table.
Yet I do remember asking my friends about picking up hints and whether or not men are really that bad at it. And most them saying the just don't want to risk misinterpreting it.
Perhaps there is an argument to be made that approaching women like this, has fallen out of social fashion. What do you guys think?
p.s. I hope this is casual enough of a conversation. I kinda screwed up my last one, I admit.
Edit: Here is a more detailed paper on the survey for those that are interested
That's easily said, but if you, for example, struggle with self-image anyway then being ostracized like that can really sting and paralyze. It probably is relatively easy for people who have a lot of self-confidence anyway, but not everybody does, especially in these situations.
This then usually bring up the problem of guys not taking the hint when a woman refuses nicely. It seems to me like the best strategy for a woman who isn't interested in over-confident/tone-deaf guys is to do the asking herself. Which also comes with lots of potential issues.
Also if it isn't a random person at a bar you're talking to but someone you already know a bit then rejection probably also means that any other relationship you might have had is over, maybe even any relationship you had with mutual friends/acquaintances.
Self confidence isnt being perfect in social situations, its understanding everyone has similar experiences and feelings, and so makes the same mistakes with the same frequency.
Mistakes aren't bad, your reaction to mistakes is what is bad.
I'm just saying that there's a reason why this might hurt and make people avoid it. Takes a lot of work to reduce that because it isn't a conscious reaction you can just decide to not have.
I never said there couldn't be reasons to reel bad about it. Im saying that feeling bad about it is ultimately a decision we make, at least as adults.
Let me put it this way, we both go out and attempt to start conversations with women and it ends up going nowhere each time. You might feel extremely dejected, disappointed with yourself, or like you were stupid for thinking it could have worked. The worst feeling I would have is, dang I'm either unlucky tonight or I just dont belong here, but none of that reflects on me personally.
So what if they didnt like me, I dont want everyone to like me, and theres probably good reason we didnt click.