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Thanks for this comment, I hadn't thought about it this way before. I had realised about how being gay is framed as a thing you do rather than a thing you are, because I have a friend who is an ex-benedictine monk, and they explained about how their vow of chastity meant they were basically "one of the good ones". A large part of why they left was because their rhetoric was "everyone has sinful desires in them and turning away from those is an important challenge", but the unspoken part was that his gayness made his desires extra bad, like there was just some innately bad thing in him.
And of course they would apply this same logic to gender. As you say, it makes more sense when you try to see it from their angle. I think that's important to do if we hope to ever refute them