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How do you stop feeling the desire to be in a relationship? (lemm.ee)

submitted 5 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) by Kimdracula@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I'm almost 35 and realised is not going to happen. I will never become adult or reliable enough for any woman to take a glance at me. I'll never fall in love or experience sex.

There must be a way to stop this feeling. People say hobbies but honestly I don't like anything or i give up on everything. I don't wanna try new things anymore.

Edit: some of you are really nice. But to those of you who keep insulting just because my post is a downer they I'll just block you. Why don't just ignore my post instead of leaving nasty comments?

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[+] Kimdracula@lemm.ee -9 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

YouTube. Here. Videogames

I'm well aware relationship are work. But are also benefits. That's why I'm saying I'm not adult enough or reliable. And that isn't going to change, especially since that's the way i am. I know it's a turn off but what I'm supposed to do? Fake myself? Being social and having an interesting life ISN'T me.

[–] testfactor@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago

Do you do those things because you truly get enjoyment out of them, or are they simply your drug of choice to help you cope through to the next day?

Those are all things that can be enjoyed in a healthy way certainly, but if it's just "wake up, work, binge internet, sleep," every day, then I'm afraid you have a problem. Maybe not a full blown addiction, but at least an extremely unhealthy coping mechanism for some deeper underlying issues.

This is something that you can work on though. Ideally with the help of a professional therapist who can help you identify why you feel the need to cope in this way and help you start breaking those destructive patterns in your life.

[–] Carrolade@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago

There's a principle in alcoholics support groups called "fake it til you make it".

Fake is a sort of meaningless word. You are the sum of your own choices, throughout your life. There is no such thing as some sort of "true" you that is inherent and unchangeable, all of your attitudes, emotions, likes/dislikes are like clothes you wear. They can be changed with a pattern of choices that fall under your overarching will.

It's not easy, though, not by a long shot. So, one technique is to fake it til you make it. Pretend at first, fake whatever trait you are trying to establish. You'll find over time your willpower turns that into the new "true you". You can change various aspects of yourself, it's all under your power.

It's a hell of a steep hill to climb alone though, so you might want some help along the way. Addiction support groups serve this purpose for people trying to get past their addictions. You might need some pharmaceutical assistance though, if you have a chronic problem, so a doctor might be a wise move.