this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2024
568 points (98.5% liked)

News

22890 readers
3732 users here now

Welcome to the News community!

Rules:

1. Be civil


Attack the argument, not the person. No racism/sexism/bigotry. Good faith argumentation only. This includes accusing another user of being a bot or paid actor. Trolling is uncivil and is grounds for removal and/or a community ban.


2. All posts should contain a source (url) that is as reliable and unbiased as possible and must only contain one link.


Obvious right or left wing sources will be removed at the mods discretion. We have an actively updated blocklist, which you can see here: https://lemmy.world/post/2246130 if you feel like any website is missing, contact the mods. Supporting links can be added in comments or posted seperately but not to the post body.


3. No bots, spam or self-promotion.


Only approved bots, which follow the guidelines for bots set by the instance, are allowed.


4. Post titles should be the same as the article used as source.


Posts which titles don’t match the source won’t be removed, but the autoMod will notify you, and if your title misrepresents the original article, the post will be deleted. If the site changed their headline, the bot might still contact you, just ignore it, we won’t delete your post.


5. Only recent news is allowed.


Posts must be news from the most recent 30 days.


6. All posts must be news articles.


No opinion pieces, Listicles, editorials or celebrity gossip is allowed. All posts will be judged on a case-by-case basis.


7. No duplicate posts.


If a source you used was already posted by someone else, the autoMod will leave a message. Please remove your post if the autoMod is correct. If the post that matches your post is very old, we refer you to rule 5.


8. Misinformation is prohibited.


Misinformation / propaganda is strictly prohibited. Any comment or post containing or linking to misinformation will be removed. If you feel that your post has been removed in error, credible sources must be provided.


9. No link shorteners.


The auto mod will contact you if a link shortener is detected, please delete your post if they are right.


10. Don't copy entire article in your post body


For copyright reasons, you are not allowed to copy an entire article into your post body. This is an instance wide rule, that is strictly enforced in this community.

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] foggy@lemmy.world 13 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (3 children)

(satire)

Breaking:

Over 50% of the Yukon is a mid a raging wildfire. The air in NYC is unsafe to breathe as a result

Breaking:

Nuclear warhead strikes kyiv

Breaking:

Chemical weapons being used en masse in Palestine a human rights violation

Breaking:

the dam you never heard of broke. Idk something like 100k people are drowning/drowned well know more soon maybe.

Breaking:

a hurricane hit Miami and it's gone now. Like Atlantis. Gone.

Breaking:

Key West too lol wow yeah. Probably more

Breaking:

Category...7? Tornado... Engulfs all of Amarillo Texas. It's just a field now.

Breaking:

same with Kansas city. Which one? Haha. Yep...

Breaking:

Leftover rains from hurricane "Tempest" (they/them), have inundated all major watersheds along the eastern seaboard. Over 6% of i95 is under water or inaccessible due to floods and damage. Cities near rivers by the coast are now a part of "the delta".

Breaking:

Elon musk got paid more in cash than he blew on Twitter by his investors for some reason

Breaking:

US President Tucker Carlson has agreed to purchase Greenland from... Wait, Russia? Huh.

Breaking:

Doom scrolling causing blindness; humans too addicted to stop

Breaking:

President Tucker Carlson appoints Alex Jones as secretary of state

Breaking:

New CEO of Apple is also CEO of Google. FTC does nothing because most of them are on the board of both companies

Breaking:

2030 is over. The world has finally transitioned to TittyBux [TITB +10,305%]. Who would have ever thought the future would be a place where 18 year old men invest in their future by providing proof of ejaculation occuring during an ad window?

Breaking:

The cure for some kinds of autism is apparently weed #2030

Breaking:

Turns out Halo was not fiction. Well, the part sbout the US harvesting babies for an army programs due to low recruitment numbers. And then they kinda went nuts with it lol

Breaking:

The Mayans were right. All physicists now agree that tomorrow is actually December 13, 3012. It means nothing but that's the new date.

Breaking:

Still have daylight savings for some reason

Breaking:

New virus just makes you dumber. Highly contagious. Vaccine works, but infected persons don't believe in it.

Breaking:

Trump said he wants to "kill the darkies."


Ok honestly... Tell me how much of that seems plausible

[–] gdog05@lemmy.world 9 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

Tell me more about these tittybux...

[–] foggy@lemmy.world 1 points 3 months ago

Sign up for X's Brain Chip Ad Pleasure Plus program!

The program allows users the opportunity to be fed advertisements directly to their brain. If the brain chip registers an orgasm during the advertisement, you can receive a direct payment of up to (oYo)5. That's 5 TittyBux [TITB].

[–] JackFrostNCola@lemmy.world 1 points 3 months ago

Ok sir, step this way for your 'vitamin' shot.

[–] CitizenKong@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

The least plausible thing is Trump being able to talk in sentences (or even being alive) in 2030.

[–] MelodiousFunk@slrpnk.net 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Leftover rains from hurricane "Tempest" (they/them), have inundated all major watersheds along the eastern seaboard. Over 6% of i95 is under water or inaccessible due to floods and damage. Cities near rivers by the coast are now a part of "the delta".

I'm in this comment and I don't like it one bit.

[–] foggy@lemmy.world 4 points 3 months ago

Well Tempest, someday they'll have gender neutral years for hurricane names. And I'll be here for ya when they do.

Or not, I might be underwater.