this post was submitted on 23 May 2024
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While on DMT when I was younger, I legitimately thought I had died, the gods and fractals all went away and I couldn't feel anything and I thought, oh no, this is it. And weirdly.... I came to terms with it rather quickly. I thought, my family is going to be so sad, but I guess there's nothing I can do, and felt a strange peace. Then I snapped back into reality and breathed a sigh of relief.
I took a break from the DMT after that
I took LSD, DMT, and weed one night several years ago. This was near the end of my experimentation phase with psychedelics before I finally came to my senses and chilled out so we're talking heroic-level dosing, too. While peaking on something like 880ฮผg, I smoked some weed to intentionally send the acid into overdrive and then took a couple big hits off a DMT vape.
Instant ego death.
At first I was just in awe of what I was seeing and experiencing, but soon I realized that I could no longer talk or even think linguistically. Language completely fails at some point when you're that far gone but I was too far gone to remember that fact, let alone comprehend it enough for it to calm me down. I didn't even know what I was, let alone who. I had a sense that I was a being of some sort who had once been able to communicate but I didn't understand why I couldn't anymore. Panic set in. Part of me was still dimly aware that I had taken something or at least done something to myself, even if I didn't understand it was the cause of what was basically a temporary psychotic break, so I came to the conclusion that I had erased my brain like a hard drive that doesn't even have an operating system anymore and that I would have to re-learn everything from scratch.
When I came down enough to find (and be able to use) my phone, I called a friend to come meet me at 3am (true bro) so that the re-education could begin immediately. By the time he got there, though, I realized that I couldn't have wiped my memory since I remembered my friend and that I was, in fact, a fucking idiot. We had a good laugh and I decided to take it easy with the drugs after that.
That's a legend of a friend for sure
Same thing happened to me! I did not come to terms with it though, it definitely changed my mentality in a bad way for a while.
It kind of helps that I've always had a kind of disconnect with the concept of death. I don't know if this is like an autism thing or what, but dealing with loss seems to affect me less than other people I know.
I'm still sorry to hear that fucked you up though, hope you bounced back
I had a similar experience with ketamine. I accidentally did a line that was a little too long and k-holed for the first time. During the trip I convinced myself I went insane and that I would have had to live the rest of my life inside the mind of an insane person, with no chance to ever experience the outside world again. But I was ok with that, I was like "well, it happened. Nothing I can do about it. I just got to roll with it now" lol. Then I snapped out of it. Never touched ketamine that weekend again, but the following week I wanted to repeat the experience.
Ketamine is not a psychedelic but a khole can make you experience stuff that maybe only DMT can. Illusion of timelessness, lack of physical dimensions, absence of linearity in time and space, it's something I've only been able to experience during my first k-holes