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What person can help me sort out the big picture of my life? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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21M, my life right now is such a mess.

My childhood feels deficient in some things, I really want to move out, my life is spread over multiple countries and I can't decide how to fit each into my future, I'm struggling & demotivated at university, and I've had no success dating and just can't figure out why.

I have a long term plan to get myself out of this but I'm afraid that the plan may prioritize the wrong things or be naively ambitious or specific. I'm AuDHD and seeing as it was my thinking that got me into this mess, my plan to fix it is probably riddled with the same mistakes. Which would mean I'd stay stuck where I am.

What would really help me is to consult my plan with a wise person who has watched many people's life trajectories and who would be able to advise me on what parts of my plan are naive or likely to fail. Since I am AuDHD, I also need someone who will alert me to the sorts of narrow-minded ways of thinking that got me to where I am, because I am obviously blind to these. Or maybe the problem is that I think too much altogether. I can ask for individual pieces of advice on Lemmy but I'm looking for someone who would look at my life in a more holistic way.

What sort of person would be able to help me? I have tried coaching but coaches seem to focus more on CBT and have lacked the wisdom that I am looking for here.

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[–] Vej@lemm.ee 24 points 7 months ago (3 children)

First off, you are 21. Be okay with that. When I was 21 I definitely didn't have my shit together. It's a crap economy everywhere.

Take less classes. If you need to focus your studies, do so. It took me 4.5 years to get my 2 year degree. Finally got my driver's license, got a shitty car, and got a decent job in 2 weeks. Talk about hurry up and wait. I was 23.

Don't beat yourself up things will get better. I have friends that are in their late 30s/mid 40s that live with their parents. Not because they messed up, but they could never get ahead.

I had a teacher once say to me, "Aim for the moon, if you miss you will end up in the stars" It was accurate. Set lofty goals, sometimes with the expectation of failing. Take Retirement it's an odd example. I want to retire at 48. Will I? Fuck no. But is it a failure if I retire at 53?

I have OCD, Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Dyslexia, Sensory issues, Insomnia, Anemia, and heart issues. But I also was born stubborn. And being stubborn was a gift. Don't give up.

Woah.

coaches seem to focus more on CBT

Cock and Ball Torture??? You need different coaches. That took a wild turn.

[–] borari@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Just in case you actually don’t know and that wasn’t a joke, CBT is also Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

[–] Vej@lemm.ee 4 points 7 months ago

Okay, that I know little about then. Not that I know about Cock and Ball Torture either. I cannot offer advice there. I was just expecting the Internet to say off the wall Internet memes as the Internet does.

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 3 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

Thanks for this. This reality check has calmed me down and is motivating

[–] Vej@lemm.ee 2 points 7 months ago

Hit me up if you need to. I have no problems if you do so.

[–] neidu2@feddit.nl 2 points 7 months ago

I get the impression that media tends to produce an unrealistic impression that people have their shit figured out by the time they're in their early 20's. I for one didn't.

I was 25 when I started my first proper career, and that was mostly just sheer luck and perfect timing. And it took me a few more years before I actually managed to get my shit together at the age of 29ish.