this post was submitted on 28 Feb 2024
221 points (97.4% liked)
Asklemmy
43945 readers
472 users here now
A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions
Search asklemmy ๐
If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!
- Open-ended question
- Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
- Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
- Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
- An actual topic of discussion
Looking for support?
Looking for a community?
- Lemmyverse: community search
- sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
- !lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities
~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~
founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Male abuse/SA victims. It's already not taken seriously enough when it happens to women, but when it happens to a guy they get put down even more and told to "man up", sometimes even by people who'd support them if the sexes were swapped.
Being one of those victims, it's honestly worse than that. My (very former) best friend went on to marry and raise kids with the woman that he knew SA'd me.
Even more so, it's turned into a hot button topic where people will be actively pissed of at you if you try to bring it up in discussion, calling it a "dog whistle" for nazi / anti-women ideology.
I'm a female queer SA survivor if they ever try that bullshit on me lmao.
I'm a cishet white male feminist and proud ally... And it took me years to process my own sexual assault as an assault. I was supposed to be happy that it happened and I got to fuck a pretty girl, right? So my confusing feelings about it must have been stupid and out of place, even though I was drunk and having an emotional breakdown when it happened. Even later on, I considered it a "bad decision" until a woman I was with challenged me to reverse the genders. She said something like "Imagine I'm drunk, having an emotional breakdown, abandoned by my friends and end up at the apartment of a man I barely know because they left without me and no one made sure I got home OK. This man starts kissing me, undresses me, lays me in his bed, starts going down on me and then puts his penis in me... with NO protection or discussion. He never asks if I'm OK with it, never asks if I want to, he just does this to me. What just happened to me??" And I was like "Oh yeah! That IS what happened to me!"
But NOW I frame it as a way toxic masculinity / patriarchy is bad /harmful to men and when I frame it that way I get ZERO hate. Toxic masculinity told me I was supposed to want that to happen to me, supposed to brag about it to my friends, supposed to collect the memory as a notch on my belt. The patriarchy told me it was my right and privilege to have a woman fuck me and take care of me like that. Toxic masculinity also told HER her behaviour was OK, that OBVIOUSLY a man would be into it, that I was getting lucky and I should be happy and excited a hot girl like her would want to do that to me. I forgave her easily, because I'm SURE she didn't process it as SA either... for the same bullshit cultural reasons.
Male SA survivors get hate because they they get pedestalized and used by MRA assholes as reasons to "bhut whut about..." at feminism. And THAT is unfortunately real. I don't think people hate Male SA survivors, I think they hate MRA bullshit and with good reason.