this post was submitted on 01 Feb 2024
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The meds have settled down now.
At this current moment in time, I'm really isolated. A have a couple of good friends but I've always had different groups of friends that I've flitted between.
Most of my dreams are about hanging out with people.
It's an ache of sorts. One that frustrates you because sometimes no matter what you do, you can't alleviate it.
I chose a non traditional pathway. I spent a lot of time being a drug addict, which has long term consequences I never considered.
That aside, the dull ache of depression has lifted, which is nice. Now I have the energy to make big changes in my behaviour.
I think that's the point of these meds.
/Rant
My experience of this - Yep that is the point and also the hard bit. It's like it strips away the depression/anxiety/whatever that's actually there because your brain is standing between you and THE STUFF you can't quite look at head on. The drugs replace that maladaptive stuff with...blank....but THE STUFF is still there. It's just now you can see it and work with it. It's still hard. But you've bought yourself some capacity. And the ability to put some distance between yourself and THE STUFF so you can start to see THE STUFF is not actually you.
(The you in that is the general you / how I experienced it for me. I am not trying to tell you what your experience is. Hope that makes sense)
Big hugs and random internet support from someone who also walks a weird path
Makes perfect sense. It feels like I can do what I need to so I can fix things. Without the problem stopping me.
Kind of a vicious cycle in a way.
I understand. I don’t know how to fix it but I can empathise, am sending warm vibes of companionship. It’s not you, it just happens to some people. I’m in a boring traditional pathway - uni, partner, house, job, but am isolated too. For me I think when my contemporaries started having kids and I didn’t, they all just slowly disappeared and never got replaced. Family Is dysfunctional so no luck there either. Well done on getting the meds and looking after yourself. Hopefully Gibson will give you some snuggles! I think accepting the situation can help, at least it relieves the feeling of fomo, and then you can focus on what you want to do next.
Thanks so much for your message. I really appreciate it.
I'm not someone who gives up on what they want but I need to grow some more patience.
I will now be able to go out and meet people and not come across poorly because I'm depressed, or instantly assume they wouldn't want to talk to me because of my feelings about myself.
That's the killer part. You're depressed, so you don't have the energy or motivation to meet people and even if you did, you doubt yourself the entire time. I think people pick up on that.
So many hugs.