this post was submitted on 16 Dec 2023
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This is exactly what I've had to end up doing in a few games. Some games I don't mind. Like Battlefront 2. I used to play, and win, tournaments in it so when friends call me in to help them with a game or something it's great because you get a ton of praise and hype. Your friends going "FUCK THEM UP DUDE! YEAH! GO FOR IT!" Or the thanks for helping a friend. But that same prowess meant that (even if there was easily accessible invite pvp) I can't fight any of my friends. There are ways you kind of can and everytime I've suggested it it's always a resounding and hard no. I've had similar levels of skill in other games that I actively tone down around my friends because I want to be able to play against them and not just play with them. I don't give a shit if I win or lose. I give a shit that I'm hanging out with people who I like and playing games I enjoy.
I have this problem with the board game Go.
It has a perfect handicap system, and the game sucks if you don’t use the correct handicap, but I simply can’t get people to play me with a handicap because they think it’s shameful. They want to play me without a handicap, then I mop the floor with them.
But we can have a really good game that’s really engaging if we use a handicap.
Hi, fellow go player here!
You are not alone. I'm the strongest regular at my go club, and when I ask if people want to pay even or with handicap, they 90% of the time choose even. I love the handicap system because it makes both sides have a close game, which is inherently more fun for everyone. And skill progress can be seen when their handicap decreases. The most common complaint I've heard against handicaps is that it changes the game too much. It does in terms of joseki and openings, but the important stuff which actually decides games—direction of play, fighting, evaluation of the board—still very much applies.
I travelled to Japan recently and played three games at a go parlour. There was no asking for an even game. The stronger players said the handicap the game would be played with and that was that.
In my country, that probably would be seen as rude because we don't have that honour system. But maybe the solution is to just be more assertive and declare the handicap anyway. As a stronger player, people respect what I have to say, but I have never felt superior to anyone so I've always still asked. But if I say a handicap straight away, that respect means that people would probably just agree and play. And if they say that they'd rather play an even game instead, then we can! Maybe the solution is to make it opt-out instead of opt-in.
Maybe euphemisms? Level adjustment, skill balance, rank difference?