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this post was submitted on 14 Dec 2023
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Men can help each other and SHOULD help each other. Women's groups exist because women recognized issues and organized themselves to help each other. This is why women's DV shelters exist, for example. (BTW, women's DV shelters may help men in need, there are arrangements that can be made to help but keep women and kids separated for their mental health and safety.)
Men can do the same thing and should do the same thing. Perhaps growing that sense of community and learning how to help others will build the social support that men seem to be lacking. But you men have to do it collectively yourself - no one "somebody" will do it for you.
I hope you are doing better these days. (Edit): I do not expect you personally to be able to do the hard work of organizing a DV shelter. This is why it is so important for men as a class to work together to support each other too.
thats good and all but am I the only man who can pretty much only connect with women, on an emotional level?
I've had some good male friends but expecting them to understand or relate is very difficult.
In my experience as the female friend, no, this is common. However, perhaps you should ask yourself why this is. Men as a whole class in our society do not seem able to connect emotionally and empathically with each other because they haven't learned how to. You can (as a group) learn to do this, but you collectively need to decide you want to and to act.
Let me just bring it up at the next Boys Club meeting /s
So become the founding member of the Boys Club. It's not necessarily going to be easy, but if it's worth doing, you should stick to it.
Edit: I was the leader of a labor organizing group for a year or so until it was shut down by state shenanigans... So I do have experience in building a group and solidarity.
Isn't this essentially victim blaming and overlooks the very real societal issues and trama that hinders men getting support? You know funding, not being believed by both sexes, lack of awareness, society just not generally caring about men, etc
No. Women for a very long time were not considered fully realized humans in a legal sense. Hell, women couldn't have bank accounts separate from their husbands until the 1970s.
My point is that women were victims and not even fully recognized legal entities and they STILL decided they wanted to help themselves; they organized themselves; and made progress on women's issues.
If "society" doesn't believe men or care about men, well, who is it with those negative attitudes? Society is about 50% women and 50% men. Seems to me a lot of men are not believing men as well as any women not believing men, given the current landscape. You belong to one of those groups. As a member of your class, you can be energized to make change.
No one is going to be an advocate for you (or your class) as much as you yourself. That's not victim blaming, that is telling you how to actualize change in the world.
My argument wasn't against advocacy. I was essentially saying that this isn't a problem that is only solved by men. It's a societal issue that men and women have to come together on. Especially since domestic violence on men is often different compared to women
Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive but I find the wording of your original post is more detrimental. Men have to do something if they want help! No we all have to do something.
Women care. I care about this poor man's story (edit: and women's groups helped out OP to find a group that he could join). But we have our hands full with our own issues. And partnering with good men is part of the success of women's efforts to help themselves.
It will be the same way for men's issues, but men need to pick up that torch and lead. Women will help but men need to drive. For example, men's DV shelter services could probably most easily be added by partnering with a women's DV shelter so that there is men's aid in place (though less likely to be needed, depending on location and population density) so it may look a bit different. Men could reach out and drive the development of a partnership program.
I think a fundamental difference to the way that men (as a class) and women (as a class) think about these issues is that men expect men and women to care; but women expect nothing from men. This seems to be a driver for our differences in opinion/perspective.
It is your issue. Your brother, cousin, friend, someone you care about could be going through the same thing. Imagine if this line of thinking was applied to women's sufferage?
That makes no sense. Without gaining support from the other side you get no resolution. Especially when the other Side is literally your abuser. I don't expect shit from white ppl and that's literally the problem. WE NEED THEM TO CARE. Society doesn't change unless everyone cares about the issue at hand. In no shape or form does systemic racism end without white ppl
I understand what your saying but the overall comment shows the real problem. We are harsher and less caring about the issue in general. Imagine any of this rhetoric was used for issues like black women and their sky high mortality rate during childbirth, lack of attention towards Asian hate crimes, ignoring of natives women murders, or police brutality towards black men. That we have other things to deal with so it's all on them to fix it. That if things aren't being changed that's its their own fault.