Asklemmy

Bidget, I'm a pretty large man (450 pounds) and I always have trouble reaching under to wipe. I would go weeks without wiping and just let it build up like fondu on my ass while I sit in my gamer chair and argue with Redditors (my karma is over 10 mill btw). My hygiene got so bad my pants were decomposing because of all the caked shit. One day as I was moderating r/mademesmile I noticed an ask reddit thread that was talking about bidgets. They were saying how great they were for blasting your butthole clean and how much you save on toilet paper so I asked my mother for some money to buy an attachment for my toilet.

I ordered it off Amazon for like $100 and I got my mom's boyfriend to install it and oh boy was this thing a life changer. First time I used it it didn't do much because my ass was full of dried shit but eventually with the help of a paint scraper my butt was cleaner than the Shinano-gawa (that is a Japanese lake) but then I noticed that when the water hits a particular spot under my balls my uuuhhh yeah. So even though I can't really see anything because it's so small I could see the semen oozing down my leg. That's when I realised I can jerk myself off useing the bidget. I would bring my gaming setup into the bathroom and play Genshin impact while the bidget sprays water under me until I cummed. I eventually had to throw it away because it rusted from constant use but I am saving up for one of those Japanese smart toilets so I can install it in my bedroom.