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what is it called when you can be romantically and sexually attractedwith multiple people at the same time? (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by SalivatingDeadGuy@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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So I know I don't need a label but I'm trying to sort out some feelings I think conventional society doesn't give us much room to think about. Pardon the rant. Would love discussion.

I know I'm Pansexual and enby and panromantic. I am in a long term monogamous relationship. But I can fall intensely in love with others, while still being intensely in love with my partner. My partner is monogamous, and I am happy to respect that. I think there is a lot of pressure in media to have to pursue every sexual and romantic desire. They press this message that if you "fall in love" with someone else than you must have also fallen out of love with the other. But I don't find this to be true for myself.

I'm not sure where I'm going exactly why this. Still working through a nebula. Any thoughts?? Ty!

Edit: I just want to thank everyone for their input and advice. I truly appreciate it. I always figured I was poly I guess. But I don't necessarily need to be in that kind of partnership. As I've gotten older, I've been able to be at peace with my "outside" attractions, I'll sit with it and experience while realizing that I'm not compelled to act on it unless it's the right thing to do for me and my partner. My partner is definitely monogamous and needs to be the only sexual partner. I'm ok with it. I respect them and love them and I love our relationship.

Even so, I really would like to know more about this part of myself, so I especially appreciate the book recommendation and hearing other experiences.

I'm sorry I haven't responded to comments, been very busy and will do so tomorrow most likely.

Love you all!

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[–] Gaywallet@beehaw.org 11 points 1 year ago

Dropping a few resources here which touch on the topic of polyamory:

The multiamory podcast an extensive, long running podcast with dedicated episodes to hundreds of topics on polyamory.
Everyone classically recommends polysecure which is how to apply attachment theory to polyamory, but I think in this case polywise the newer release by the same author is more pertinent as it's about navigating changes in relationships - opening up a relationship or changing in some fundamental way how you two (or more) interact with each other.
The ethical slut which is more about non-monagamy than it is about polyamory (you could argue it can be about hierarchical poly of a particular flavor) but in general it's good to help start deconstructing parts of the relationship escalator and just what is on or off limits in a relationship.
Speaking of the relationship escalator, stepping off the relationship escalator is a great book on some of the tenets of relationship anarchy and continuing to help deconstruct them.
There's a lot of resources online such as this one on relationship anarchy if you just start searching the web.

Hopefully one or more of these resources will resonate with someone. Would also like to mention as a relationship anarchist and someone who's been practicing poly for a long time that I'm around if you have questions as well 💜