this post was submitted on 28 Jun 2025
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Feels. You got this, for the moment. Look after yourself too.
personal experience
Hate to say this, but I think it's time you and your Dad got together and worked out a strategy for further cognitive decline management. You just can't give up work to do the basic care stuff - that's a non-continuing proposition even though it works well to look at in the short term. I'm talking trigger points for when more care is needed, and strategies to cope. And what happens if your Dad or you gets sick etc. Really really need to be on the same page. Yes this will be embarrassing to discuss. And some of the options will sound pretty cold and clinical but need to be considered. There's professional help available for counselling/discussing this sort of thing, and using that might help your Dad and rest of fam take this seriously enough to be useful. Hospitals/doctors/clinics have contact info - and you may need an official letter from your mum's doctor to access it.I found myself doing what I thought would be short term care for my mum, and found out that the rest of my family thought I was doing it all so they didn't have to, and this went on for months and months. This got old very very fast and I had to really put my foot down to come up with a more equitable arrangement. Some family members still haven't forgiven me. One sibling's spouse is still snarked that she was asked to participate (minimally) and that was more than 10 years ago. Eventually Mum had to go into full time residential care and she HATED it. But there was no other viable option that permitted the rest of the family to have some kind of a life.
End of life can be very distressing to all when its long drawn out and there's no possibility of major improvement and a return to full independence. Just saying.
Thankyou so much for your personal experience. Really appreciate that advice. i think I'll get the ball rolling on that fairly soon.
This.
I was in a very similar position except it wasn’t in my wheelhouse to make alternative arrangements.