Last night was the first night in more than a month that my best friend and I hung out. It was for her 40th birthday. For background, everyone but me in our friend group is Vietnamese. So when people started showing up, they spoke Vietnamese only. This is fine, I get it. They’d rather speak their mother tongue around me. Even if that means I don’t understand a word anyone is saying. I’ve brought this up to her, only for her to turn it around me as if somehow it is my fault for not joining a conversation that I have no frame of reference to. Whatever, it is what it is.
I’ve supported her through her divorce. I’ve been the only one to listen when she cried, to offer her an ear time and time again when she told me about how bad it was for her. To offer her support of what to do in the steps she needed to take to file and etcetera.
But tonight was too much.
They all showed up, and as usual talked only Vietnamese, which again I don’t understand. But the moment her motherfucking new boyfriend, an American guy, showed up, they all switched to English. It was like magic! Wow, suddenly everybody can talk English—it was amazing! So somehow when I am with the group, I need to be understanding because one or two people don’t speak English well. But when that motherfucker showed up, they all made the fucking effort to try, for him. He didn’t even try to know me past “what’s up?” Clearly she has not told him how close her and I were (or was, now). I feel betrayed. I feel hurt. And above all I feel like a fool for listening to her bullshit excuses why they talk the way they do, when some motherfucker she has known for two months shows up and it’s suddenly English. Fuck that. I’m tired of being bored, and I see the fucking hypocrisy now. I hope this is worth it for her.
I’m happy that she found someone who makes her happy. I am devastated that it comes at the cost of our friendship. He can eat shit and walk into traffic for all I care. I love her like the big sis she has been to me, but last night, I reached my motherfucking limit on bullshit I can deal with.
I’ve texted her as much, we’ll see what she has to say. Seriously, I feel so unimportant to a friend group that was somehow so happy to see me? If I was important at all, they would speak at least a little English, so I could understand, so I could join in on the conversation. But they don’t. Fuck all of them. I’d rather be alone than sit there for hours being bored again. My only wish is that no one parked behind me, so I could pretend to have a reason to go home, rather than staying the night at her brothers house. I fucking hate this. I wish that I had my old best friend back, the one who made sure I understood what was going on. The one that sat near me and made sure I was having a good time too. She doesn’t even try anymore. People change, it’s life. I just need to accept this and move on.
Happy fucking birthday, Mandy.
Holy shit so much this. It's fucking bullshit and batshit insane in modern times.
My brother-in-law's mother is one of these kinds of people, and very much treats her two grandsons like they're divinity, and 6 granddaughters like they're his slaves.
My wife and I live next to them and since I don't like interacting with their family, it took me awhile to notice.
Oldest son gets preferential treatment on everything, gets expensive shit for every present giving holiday, and even the way she talks to him is like she's afraid she will upset him and is afraid he's not being treated the way she thinks he deserves.
Youngest son gets next preference, but is mentally around 2 or 3 so she doesn't do much besides treat him like a royal baby. Like 0-6month old baby.
All the daughters get cheap dolls or makeup for holidays. They are expected to be seen and not heard when she's there. Anything that needs done they are expected to do even if it's something the adult watching them should be handling.
A couple weeks ago I was talking to the oldest daughter about her art class when the oldest son started yelling about how he was thirsty.
Grandma comes over and starts interrupting the conversation asking why she's not going to get him some water.
I just interrupted her with a "we are in the middle of a conversation. Just be cause YOUR idea of respect is extremely warped doesn't mean the rest of us have to tolerate it. He's 12, he can get his own damn glass of water. If you don't like that, get it yourself, but you WILL NOT interrupt us again unless you want to find out just how disrespectful my wife and I can be."
I don't know what she said in response because I was making an effort to ignore her and say something about the art class.
I did end up sending a message to their parents about the encounter with an" if that's a problem for you guys then we can work out another deal for childcare." vague threat about us no longer providing childcare multiple times a week.
Am I disrespectful? Maybe. Probably. But I'll be dead and buried before I let someone tell a young girl she's supposed to drop everything because a MAN is there.
I'm also not welcome at my wife's grandparents house because when her grandfather straight up said "be quiet, the men are talking." when she said something during a holiday visit, I told him "what makes you think you can talk to my wife like that?" "well my religion says..." "FUCK your religion, you don't speak to anyone like that."
My wife says I shouldn't have said anything because now she feels like it's her fault her family doesn't like me. No amount of reassurance that it's their own fault helps. I stand by it.
Um... Sorry for rambling, this kind of thing makes me angry and I have to deal with it all the time, and I can't even imagine what it would feel like for all the women who have to deal with it.
You're a good guy. In a time when I'm having trouble maintaining hope for the future, it's really nice to hear people like you exist.