No Stupid Questions
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They would consider you whichever one allows them to hurt you in the moment. It's not an honest belief, they just want to be cruel to people.
I recall having a conversation with a transphobe and it coming down to me going, 'I just don't understand why you want to be cruel to trans people.' He tried to brush it off but it was obvious that he was simply trying to dress up his bigotry with pseudointellectual bs.
That, and the tried and true, "I'm just concerned about women in women's spaces. Post transition women commit the same number of crimes as men."
Where did you read this? Can you show me what crimes they commit? Who did the study?
"Oh I can't remember this now, can't we have a debate about this."
That's when I realised that this was pointless. Because, for him, this was just a game. That the rights of trans people were something we could "intellectually" parse out. All while actual, real world people are being harassed, discriminated against and killed.
Fuck that shit. And fuck that guy.
This was one of the more baffling experiences in coming out - seeing some of the most scientifically minded, media literate people I know suddenly shut off all of those instincts when they encountered "the trans debate." Like someone with a healthy amount of skepticism around statistics linking me bullshit "average number of sexual partners" figures from a conversion therapy lobbying group. Or someone with an active dislike of sports suddenly deciding that the sanctity of women's sports is more important than their relationship with their daughter.
The best explanation I've been able to come up with is that gender is regimented by complex trauma, often when we are children, and these are the types of cognitive distortions that occur when we're in fight-flight-freeze-fawn responses. Flashbacks are often thought of as vivid sensory experiences i.e. re-experiencing the traumatic event, but it's a spectrum of responses. Many are more subtle and feel extremely normal in the moment, while our ability to reason is actually overtaken by our need to feel safe in the face of a perceived threat.
I think this kind of statistics vomit can sometimes be a "flight" response to a perceived threat of someone being trans in proximity to them. Flight responses are characterized as attempting to avoid a threat by throwing oneself into action not to overcome, but escape the threat. Perhaps a wall of text with nuanced-and-reasoned set dressing and lots of links and numbers feels like a wall between them and "the problem."
"Debate" is used as a foot in the door
Edit: also happy cake day
Thank you!🥳
Eww, thanks for telling me. That’s truly something…