this post was submitted on 02 Jun 2025
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[Migrated, see pinned post] Casual Conversation
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I think this is a real good explanation, thanks. I hope it will help me to cope when i next time come across a bad generalization. Tbh i shouldn't even feel bad but my sister is also doing this and gets very upset when i point it out.
I mean, I wouldn't cope so much as change your beliefs and behaviors. These generalizations are wrong and bad (at least from my perspective) and should be challenged when you encounter them.
Feminism is many things, but it is not the singular manifestation of objective goodness. It is just an amorphous collection of people who share the same identity. There is nothing wrong with this, and this amorphous blob has done a lot of good in the world, but it doesn't mean that the blob is beyond critique. So when it deserves critique, critique it.
Also, if you are a man and self identify as a feminist... I would reevaluate and stop identifying as a feminist. There are whole feminist truisms about how men/straights/white people/cis people need to shut up and listen. Certainly there is a lot to be learned from listening. But at the same time, the shut up part is telling - the reality is, as a man, you will always be a second class citizen in feminist circles. Your opinions will always carry less weight. You will always be seen as less trustworthy or less competent. You will be excluded from gatherings, conversations, and inner circles because of something you cannot change about yourself. Since feminism is the women's movement, we can understand why this would be the case much of the time. But simultaneously, it is difficult to square this with having a positive self-image. Do you really want to identify with a group where your contributions always have less worth, and where you will never be a member in full standing?
Saying you don't identify as a feminist is like saying you don't identify as a tennis player. Sure, you play tennis occasionally for fun, but you aren't going to make tennis the most important thing in your life. Sometimes you won't get invited to the parties the real tennis players go to, and that is okay, because playing tennis is not a significant part of your identity. For others, it is, and that is okay too. And you shouldn't feel bad if the people at the tennis parties say you don't play enough tennis - those people are just dicks.