this post was submitted on 27 May 2025
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The problem with this is, and it drives me crazy, I keep hearing "if we talked to them-"
I'm a woman! They won't talk to me! Or, if they do, it's to tell me why I'm wrong, because I'm a woman! This isn't something I can deprogram away!
And trust me, I've deprogrammed right-wing shitheads before, who weren't also misogynists. I can't do shit for the ones who aren't willing to talk to me. And the worst part? I have gotten lots of seemingly hopeless people into committed, loving, long-term relationships through the power of just listen to me, I can help you, but nooooo! I have breasts! I'm almost 40! I have a happy, long-term relationship, and I'm a woman, so what can I possibly know!
I'm sick to death of 'we just need to-' No we don't, because we can't. Men need to. Men need to break through this toxic bullshit because we, and by this I mean, women, literally can't. And trying- and trust me on this because I've tried- trying only gets abuse.
I really can't underscore this enough. The wall I come up against is, what do you know, you're a woman. "We" can't talk our way out of this one. The problem of toxic masculinity intentionally boxes women out, making it nigh impossible for women to help.
I know. The main thing they need is a non-misogynist male role model, which is becoming increasingly hard to find because apparently social media algorithms encourage the type of content that pushes them in the opposite direction.
Realistically, imo, the main way women can help with this, besides talking to them very early on (VERY early on, as Tate-types are unfortunately gaining traction in school as well), is trying to combat the misandrist narrative that keeps on growing in feminist spaces. One example is the whole Bear debacle, which furthered the divide between genders even more. If people (in general, I’m sure many men shared it as well) keep making stuff like that go viral, it makes it harder and harder for young males to develop any sort of empathy for the opposite sex.
I find it very difficult to empathize with the 'bear thing,' because, as my fiance (who is a man) put it, 'I don't know why anyone would pick any other human over the bear. Bears tend to avoid you and do your own thing. Humans are unpredictable.'
From that perspective, it seemed like a lot of people just got mad because they identify with the word 'man,' here, and don't want to think of themselves as capable of evil. Which would be naive, because everyone is capable of anything.
Bears don’t “tend to avoid” any more than people do. There’s dangerous people that would assault you, and there’s species of bears (i.e. Polar Bears) that would definitely attack you on sight.
But the whole thing is not about the technicality. The videos were very clearly framed with emphasis on the gender of the human, they got extremely viral and millions of young males saw women saying stuff like “at least the bear would kill me instantly”. How do you think they felt, as kids that probably never even had a relationship before? You think that “helped them understand the women’s point of view” like they said was the purpose of the video, or brought them in the opposite direction, making them feel like they’re some different species, impossible to relate with, planting a seed that will only grow through the indoctrination of all the online toxic masculinity gurus?
Enough with the “Men vs. Women”, especially online where young kids will see them without any context of why is that happening. Both sexes need to do their best to stop prejudices towards the other inside their groups, and only then we can have a serious and understanding conversation. Of course that’s hard to do between algorithms and bad actors, but there’s really nothing else we can do at this point, since the large majority of both camps is entrenched in their opinion and will only listen to people of their own gender.