Ask Lemmy

Pragmatism and idealism are almost always opposites. But also, what you might see as them being idealistic, might be their only option, pragmatically, or outright a sense of duty to society.

The world is also changing, and while career is likely a choice, gender and a sense of self is not. So I'm not sure exactly what you meant, but I feel the need to point that out. Because if you mean what I hope you don't, it shows a level of ignorance and lack of empathy of other people's experiences and perspectives that is harmful. And no parent wants to be harmful to their child, right? Unless that parent is stubborn and controlling and thinks their way is the best or only way. Remember your humility, remember your place, remember your existence as just one person with a responsibility and trying to give your best to your child. Part of that responsibility is giving advice, but giving bad advice or non-updated advice can be extremely harmful and a waste of others' energy and can cost you entire relationships. I don't talk to my dad very much for this very reason, as his experience of the world and how it works for him (and therefore everyone else) are set, and seem to be in stone, and a significant source of judgement.

Part of compassion for another is to actually do the work to understand what they're going through. Just hoping you do and accepting you don't, isn't good enough. I'm really sorry to say. That's "thoughts and prayers" level bullshit. It sounds like they're going through life on hard mode and could really use someone in their corner who really understands their problems, not a parent who peaches and expects appreciation in return. In this new world, ignorant love isn't enough, that's just lazy, entitled, disrespectful, manipulative, and effectively cold.

And for the record, yes I'm absolutely projecting from my own experiences, but I do also know many other trans/queer people and how the dynamic between them and their parents work, constantly study and examine psychology and philosophy, and entirely believe that any kid with a more privileged parent needs maximal support of that parent. And unless your kid has already given up entirely on you (and probably so even then), you hold a lot more power than you may ever know, to be either used for support or disappointment.

And going off your statements of "i wish they could thrive like I have" and "but they're going at it on hard mode", I suspect you may have more that you could give to alleviate that hard mode. Maybe don't think of it as a mode, but rather just who they are and the inherent difficulties of their existence in the world?

I don't know you or your situation, especially from a single comment response. So I do also want to point out that this isn't that personal, and is very much my general stance. But at least take it as a genuine perspective of a trans person in her 30s, with middlingly supportive, conservative parents, who wishes they could be more receptive. Because I'm tired of playing life on hard mode with my four year degree in software engineering, a two year degree in audio production, a journeyman level trade, management experience, and unable to even try to get a job anymore because I'm too burnt out.