this post was submitted on 06 May 2025
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Exactly. Move in slowly, wipe your feet, wind down your umbrella and give it a shake before putting it into the stand. Take off your coat and hang it on the hook. Stare at yourself in the hallway mirror with existential dread. Begin to hum the opening theme to Everybody was Kung-fu Fighting, and then finally cartwheel onto the sofa, let out a tension fart, and then remember that the house is on fire! At which point you exit immediately and spray the front of the house with a foam fire extinguisher until you feel relaxed enough to fall asleep in the driveway
This sounds like an awful lot of effort, can't we just chill on the cartwheel sofa and let the house burn? This is fine, surely
We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn
Well, if the house doesn't mind.... and you're not bothered by gaining the odd garden shed or two, then sure why not?
I'll get the house's consent, don't worry
Well that took a turn