this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
367 points (97.2% liked)

Ask Lemmy

31224 readers
1537 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

I keep seeing posts mentioning this phenomenon more and more often.

For instance:

More and more men are being sucked into parts of the internet that circulate misogynist content, leaving their families to deal with the wreckage

'Andrew Tate phenomena' surges in schools - with boys refusing to talk to female teacher

Like, why? Why now? Why even? I really wish I had a time machine where I could go to the future and ask them what the general reasons were for this social development. But I feel like I'm looking for the specific thorn on a cactus that popped my balloon.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] DancingBear@midwest.social -1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I’m giving you an upvote because I actually like this topic and you seem genuine, and also because I’m still always trying to learn more….

I actually had the same thought when I was typing my response about how teaching white kids about how our country (USA) was founded on slavery, the idea of “white guilt” edit (I couldn’t remember what it was called though)

But I don’t think it’s a fair comparison.

Black people are not 50% of the population, and are not…. In the same sense, forced to live here and also forced to deal with systemic oppression…. In the same way. (Edit: I’m saying black folks have gone through ten times worse than what “women” {or “men”} have gone through)

(Edit: CAN YOU SEE HOW WE ARE TALKING ABOUT ISSUES MEN AND BOYS ARE DEALING WITH, and trying to work through and discuss, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME THE ASSUMPTION IS THEY THEY ARE NOT THE VICTIMS BUT THE AGGRESSORS? This is why, to answer the question of the original post)

Like I said, I had the same thought about it.

I still think class is more fundamental. I think race sex class issues are not equal. I think that maybe, race and sex issues stem from the class issues. Still trying to figure it out though, I’m not the end all be all of arbiter of how things are…. Okay, I might be but I don’t make any assumptions about it or rub it in anyones’ faces or anything like that…. 👀

I have to feed my dogs though before I can respond to the rest one sec

Edit: so the first point about we are not teaching kids (young men and boys) they are toxic?

I would argue that teaching them about toxic masculinity without having any reference or ever having used the word positive masculinity before, that yes, we are indeed teaching our young men and boys that they are toxic.

And for your last point… oh come on now there’s appropriate times for acting like Dirty Harry, especially if you can make jokes in stressful situations…..

Edit: the more I think about the comparison to white guilt argument is it reminds me of everything I understand about intersectionality…. I think my main complaint is that teaching young people graduate level race and gender theories without all the prerequisite understandings needed to take those courses, we are leaving our kids to tell each other to check their privilege and writing off anyone who disagrees with us, which in elementary school means writing off the guy who made fun of your mother for being so fat or skinny or so dumb she sits on the television to watch the couch.

Toxic masculinity and privilege are systemic issues, not issues related to whether bully Johnie gave me a wedgie or not. (Although it could be I suppose 🤷‍♂️)

Done except for grammar etc sorry for so many edits

[–] abbotsbury@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I think my main complaint is that teaching young people graduate level race and gender theories without all the prerequisite understandings needed to take those courses

I think you just have a fundamental misunderstanding of what is being taught to children. We can teach the broad strokes morals and ethics without the collegiate theory. Kids can learn about Martin Luther King Jr and why racism is bad, we've been doing it for decades. Adding toxic masculinity would be more of the same "don't be an asshole" but with gender instead of race.

[–] DancingBear@midwest.social 0 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Stop telling young men and boys they are toxic in front of their peers.

Also, please define toxic femininity

[–] abbotsbury@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Stop telling young men and boys they are toxic in front of their peers.

oh so you're just done reading I guess then, because I already refuted that

please define toxic femininity

Traits of femininity that are toxic. Is that the best gotcha you have?

[–] DancingBear@midwest.social 0 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

It’s not about a gotcha, it’s about addressing a real problem facing young men and boys, and it’s the reason they are turning to asshats like Tate.