this post was submitted on 23 Apr 2025
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Alright here's a more local analogue: how many chavs would you offer a ciggy to if they approached you in your council flat? 1? 10? 100,000?
If one of them is named Kev and knew your mate's sister, and all but one were wearing Adidas or Nike, would that double or halve your generosity?
I used to be able to count it down to the millisecond exactly when a strange chav would ask me for a cigarette.
"In 3...2...1..." "oi mate you got a spare fag I can borrow"
Never understood that phrasing. A spare? As in a cigarette I carry but don't need/don't plan to use? And borrow? As in youre going to take it and bring it back to me later?
I know I'm being too literal but damn it so stupid
Edit thanks for the good chuckle btw
Same. I wasn't even over 18 at the time, and they'd still ask
Happy to say there are no chavs round my way, nor council flats, so none.
Okay, imagine you're down at the pub, and that actor from GoT comes in surrounded by a horde of screaming girls. He clearly just wants a drink and to be left alone, but can't shake off the fans. The bar stool next to you is free, and you have an expression of utter repulsion on your face to ward off anyone. He's eyeing the seat and your face with desperation. Do you let him sit with you, or do you tell him to piss off to another pub?
I'm just a customer so he can sit there if he likes. Unless we're talking Joffrey as I couldn't deal with his horrid little face.
I don't smoke.
So none
Okay, what about you're at the local chicken shop, and a wean comes in asking if you'll buy him some chips and a coke. You originally say no, but then three of his schoolmates come in too and one of them looks like he's holding a sharpened ruler. How many chips do you buy assuming you want to leave the shop?
I don't eat meat. So I wouldn't go to a chicken shop. So none.
Fine, imagine this: you're at the local Nando's getting their veggie supreme for your girl Suze, when a man in a tracksuit comes at you saying that it's his order and that he'll brap you up if you say different. You notice that his hand is down the front of his trousers, and if he's hiding anything there it's either small or non-lethal. Suze is looking at you. What do you do?
As I don't shop at a butcher, my answer is 'none' (/s)
You can find me at the supermarket though
I only visit the kebabi.
So none.
Okay you're at the local kebab shop, and he asks you whether you want it german-wrap style or in a pitta bread, but not once does he call you Boss during the exchange.
Do you take the kebab without leaving, or do you report him to the police for failure of duty?
Did he add a massive chili on the kebab?
He did, yes, juiciest motherfucker you ever ate
I'd hand him 10 quid, no questions asked