But also, can I get some advice from the community? After a long while, I finally lifted the veil over my eyes and came to terms with the fact that I am totally and unapologetically homosexual. But I've been married for a long time so we're trying to make it work and just extend ourselves to polyamory. I've booted up a dating profile, but should I include that I am a baby gay? Do I include my open relationship? Or are those things to talk about in person? Any advice?

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[–] Portosian@sh.itjust.works 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I have used dating apps and there's a fundamental problem with them. They have all been monetized past the point of usability.

Say somebody matches you; you get a notification that you received a like, but can't view who did so unless you shell out $20-40 for a week. So the notification just pulls you back to the app for no benefit.

So your only real option for use is to just like as many people as possible in the hopes that one of them has liked you already, so you can send a message. But don't think "Well I'll just like the people I like and it will work out"

See most of these apps will use your "looking for" info to make a list of "people we think you'll like". Some of them are real accounts. Many are payed to play along and then ghost you. All of them are locked behind additional payments for messages or even matching in the first place.

Unless you are willing to pay the premium tier for access to what we're basic features on a free a decade ago, it's just not worth your time.

[–] Jackthelad@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

Another issue with not paying is that the algorithm will eventually push you further down the list and barely show you to anyone after the first week or two, leading you to believe that no one is interested in you, when in reality it's just that you're not being shown to anyone.

Not good for your self-esteem, really.