this post was submitted on 19 Feb 2025
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I agree it wouldn't be right for her to pay off your mortgage. But I think either 50/50 or proportionate to income (i.e. 1.3/1) splitting of bills, groceries, and other costs incurred by the both of you, is reasonable. But you're in relationship, not a contract, so do discuss this with her and see what the both of you would prefer.
I always wonder about that. It seems like a non-issue to me. You’re just paying it, same as always, and the other can contribute when or if they can, what they can. Running costs that do increase with two people, like electricity or water, should be easy to just split some way, since the other’s no longer paying for their rent and utilities.
But why does it have to be some set sum or percentage or whatever? Why does it have to be static in the first place? Why not just let them contribute what they can, when they can, since the money’s not tight?
But of course the real correct answer will always be different for each relationship. And only revealed by talking and assuming each feel comfortable being honest and vocal about their thoughts and neither gets steamrolled or gets left with reservations or doubts about the outcome.
Who is to decide when and what they can pay then?
It's also as much about determining the disposable income. If she has a different opinion on what is reasonable to spend on other things that could easily become a can of worms.
"This is what you need to contribute to the household, whatever you do with the rest of your money is not my issue" is much better than: "Hey, I know you're low on cash but maybe if you cut back on lattes, avocado toast, gambling, booze and cigarettes, we would be able to pay the bills."
In reality, the fixed amount isn't very fixed anyway. If one part can't pay, it's still unlikely that the partner would kick them out. But as long as money isn't that tight, it's simply better to allocate a fixed amount to the household, so the money isn't disposable for random spending, so they don't risk overspending or increasing expensive habits.
This isn't just to curb the costs, but also to avoid the situation in which one part becomes financially dependent on the other, which is also a recipe for disaster for both parts.
Fair points. I lacked in perspective but you brought me some, so I thank you 😌