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Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works

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Anon signs up for a 5k (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 2 months ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works

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[–] McLoud@lemm.ee 152 points 2 months ago (5 children)

She was planning on having 5 km of cock run on her, now her plans are ruined.

[–] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 123 points 2 months ago

This is almost exactly how I found out my ex-wife was cheating. She bought a ticket to a concert and then freaked out when I bought one too. Why wouldn't I want to go to a concert with my wife? She said it was just going to be a thing with her friends from work. When we arrived there was exactly one friend from work. A guy friend.

[–] Raiderkev@lemmy.world 46 points 2 months ago

Fr, she wasn't going to no 5k. She had other plans.

[–] superduperpirate@lemmy.world 34 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)

Because I’m procrastinating at work:

How many sessions of coitus might it take to accumulate 5 km of cock thrusts?

Estimates:

average erect length: 13 cm (from Perplexity.ai)
average number of thrusts in coitus: 300 (ibid)

Calculations

thrust distance per coitus session: 13 cm x 300 thrusts x 2 (accounting for insertion & removal) = 78 m
coitus sessions to accumulate 5 km of thrusts: 5 km / 78 m = 64.1 -> 64 sessions of coitus

So OP’s wife would have to fuck 64 times to accumulate 5 km of cock. Even with amazing refractory periods, that’s still a minimum of 32 guys running a train on her.

Edit: working through this reminded me of that episode of HBO’s Silicon Valley where they started talking about handjobs and hotswapping dicks and hit on middle out compression.

[–] discostjohn@programming.dev 25 points 2 months ago (1 children)

My favorite part of sex is taking my average sized penis all the way out and putting it back in approximately 300 times

[–] CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 months ago

same

[–] LaLuzDelSol@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Sir I think you are forgetting that you do not pull the pens completely out with every thrust unless you want to snap it off by accident. I think a 1.25 multiplier to your calculation is therefore necessary.

[–] superduperpirate@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago

That’s a fair assumption to make. So our totally real OPs wife now has to make 80 fucks at minimum instead of 64

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

The all new penis 2.0 now with hotswap capabilities.

[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago (1 children)

He wanted that for both of them.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

He signed both of them up for it. There was a confirmation email and everything.

[–] sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 months ago

And he was willing to be at the back. Everyone knows the middle is the best.

[–] kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 months ago

Anon is jealous